BPD moms & sex

[elary]

Okay, this is an uncomfortable one...
As I come to terms with my mother's condition, I've been reflecting on all kinds of traumatic events from my childhood. One that sticks out is hearing my mom having very loud sex (her grunting, etc) with her boyfriend when I was a young child sleeping in the next room. This happened multiple times and while it was plenty disturbing, I'm curious to know if this is a common BPD characteristic or if it's just part of growing up with a single mom.

Anybody else have this icky experience?

[Harri]

Hi and welcome.

My mother did not do this sort of thing but I have read stories from a few others over the years describing very similar behavior.  I would not say that it is a common behavior though promiscuity can be part of the disorder (under impulsive behaviors). 

As icky as it is, and as horrifying as it is to have a mom do this, I think it would be related to a lack of appropriate boundaries.

[HappyChappy]

I'm not surprised it sticks in your mind.  My BPD did this but they are very selfish, so probably doesn't occur to them to consider the kids. Also a function of poor boundaries.

What was odd is my bro and I had to share a small room next to hers. There was a bigger spare room , not next to hers, that lay fallow as the "guest room". We never had a guest. That was more about putting us in our place and encouraging in fighting (triangulation) in my view. But I know my BPD saw sex (and love) as a ways to manipulate, mainly because she told me as much.

Why do you think your BPD did this ?

[Notwendy]

My experiences were more icky.

The way my mother speaks and acts about sex, I am very suspicious that she was sexually abused as a child herself and has repeated this with her children. She's elderly now so whoever might have done it is probably long gone. Nobody in her family will talk about her issues and so I have no proof, but the way she acts is very typical of someone who was sexually abused as a child and had no support or help for it. She was probably convinced to not tell anyone. 

[hummingbird281]

My BPD mom did this. She would even try and tell me about to gross me out and then when I left saying thats gross she would yell "Why? You should be happy your parents love each other so much!"
I've learned to tune her out when it comes to those "talks". Growing up, my friends never went through the same and it is so interesting to find out post diag. that I was not alone.

[Charlie3236]

My BPD mother used sex to get everything she ever had in life. But she was sexually abused by her own father, which is not an excuse but rather puts her whole persona into perspective.

I remember being about 10-years old and being terrified bc I was in her bedroom and a man came up to her slider! She assured me that it was ok & invited him in. Turns out it was the gynecologist that delivered my BPD little sister! She was hiding it because his son was in class with my sis, and they were both married, soo yeah. Tangled webs man!

All that to say... solidarity sistah!