3 emails to my old account

[Cromwell]

For some background the first arrived a month ago, Id not seen it. The 2nd, a week ago, the latest 3 days ago.

This is after over a year of no contact and it is sent from a new email service, id previously blocked her old one. It doesnt say anything except she has a message for me "click here to read it".

The only thing I could correlate is that I had looked at her FB around the same time the first email was sent, it was the only time I had done so during NC.

If the message was important enough, she could send it without having to "click here to view it". But to be fair, I prefer it this way rather than to read whatever latest madness id have to decipher and put me into a tailspin. Lesson learned for future is not to even open in the first place. Ive had this account for over 2 decades, just going to spend a day or so sifting through it before I close it down too. There are other email services just like there are other women, dont need to hold on to anything what causes nuisance.

thanks for listening.

[JNChell]

Are you prepared to read those emails? Are you certain that no matter what they entail that you won’t go into a tailspin?

[Longterm]

Hi Cromwell,

Would you mind sharing your story?

[Cromwell]

Hi JNChell

I have not/will not, im actually pleased that I got to this state of mind where I dont knee jerk react to emotional sync. A year apart has helped and learning the lessons. I would have opened the first one straight away and have done so in the past recycles. Tailspin?

 Ive felt edgy a bit anxious, but ive shrugged it off for the most part and feel alright today. I enjoyed your signature awhile back "take the sacred pause", im not also embarrassed to say that ive dug deep enough to accept that there is something to admit here - frankly that im not only scared by her, but that I was during the relationship. I never took aboard this feeling or listened to it, I accept it now and it helps guide and shape my actions.

Hi Longterm, the short version is, 3 years relationship with diagnosed BPDx girlfriend, I ended up going NC to save whatever was left of my sanity. Ive picked myself up but it has been a huge emotional work in progress. I was stalked but I did all I could do stop it and it worked. We did meet again by chance, had 2 weeks of contact but I went NC again. That last time was maybe a year ago, ive lost track a bit, and its been fine. So to get 3 emails spaced out like that, is concerning a bit. Of course there is a temptation and curiosity to know what she wants, but I got to the stage of where ive moved on with life, dont think of her anymore, and the feelings are different than what they once were. I loved her, cared for her, (All past-tense), I simply dont anymore. She is an ex girlfriend, no kids, no obligations legally, morally or otherwise. Whatever is going on in her life or future has nothing to do with me and via versa. There is no animosity, hatred, or bitterness but at the same time there is no wish to reconcile if that is what the agenda is - not after that sort of experience and how hard it has been to bounce back to where ive slowly but surely got to today.

I shared here to share what happened because this board has supported and helped me work through this since the start. but in terms of what to do, im crystal clear on that front, it is a no-brainer. My life feels fulfilled and happy without her and those emails only made my day worse not better. The fact that I suspect reading them could have the high likelihood of making me even more ill (I still consider myself as recovering), means that they have to go un-read, I owe that duty to my self to protect myself. I might consider myself mentally strong in contrast to where I was, but i went back in the past and it was playing with fire each time, this loop needed to be broken, I did, it was unbelievably difficult, but I did it and its time to consolidate and build up on that.

Thanks for listening Longterm and how are you doing at your stage in detachment?

[Longterm]

Thanks for sharing.

Reading that made me feel inspired. It sounds like you have done tremendously well to escape because that sounds like what's happened here. To get to the point where you dont think about her must be very surreal and freeing.

Hope, that's the word that springs to mind.

No, thank you

How am I doing?

As soon as I got to work my mate said, you've heard from her again haven't you?

She has been bringing me down for months now and twice this week she has asked to meet me. I've not seen/spoke to her since Nov 2017. I need to find some sort of inner strength here but posting here has improved my mood this week. Today's emails didn't cause me such a bad reaction as previous ones have, in my book that's progress.

My situation is a bit different from yours.

Together 20yrs.
4 kids.
15yrs married (this year)

A lot of hurt, suffering for everybody involved, like yourself, my ex scares the crap out of me.

Thanks again.

[flourdust]

Those sound like phishing emails masquerading as if they were coming from your ex.

[Cromwell]

Whatever it is (Twoomail) im not tech savvy enough to discern it, but ive decided to just let them roll in.

Just adds to my therapy, unopened, unwanted, just deleted them felt catharthic. Job done.

[Cromwell]

Thank you too Longterm, im still on that road but it has changed from what it once was. Theres a solidarity ive found here, when you say "liberated", its word like that which I have used before, a long with "surreal".

I found understanding here, and these fears we have mentioned, like others ive had in life they really did not amount to a fraction in real terms of the scale of how I had felt about them. 3 emails, can I categorise it as "fear" or just "startled". Much of what I went through was more to do with the fear of the unexpected that was born out of being blindsided by things she did that I would never have believed there was any rationale behind it.

I did expect an email though. Or the high likelihood of one. Ive learned this by reading the stories of others on here. Forewarned is forearmed scenario. I can deal with this little "forget me not" mentality. Its her problem not my one.

Wishing you well this week and thank you for helping me through, it has helped.

[Longterm]

I wish you well too, sounds like you deserve your new found serenity.

[JNChell]

Deleting those emails was a very healthy step. Truly letting go is a process of back and forth emotions within these dynamics. You’ve gone forth. It will keep getting easier. Kudos, Cromwell. Glad to see you back.