Overwhelmed

[Déprimé]

Hi - never did this before so not sure what to say except that I have been struggling with my daughter’s behaviour for some 20 years and I think this BPD combined with narcissism makes a lot of sense - but I am actually overwhelmed and really sad

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hi Déprimé and

I'm glad you've reached out for support. Many members here can relate to feeling sad and overwhelmed, you are not alone.

Can you tell us a little more about your daughter's behaviors that you have been struggling with? It helps to get a broad picture of what's going on so we know how to best support you.

I look forward to getting to know you and hearing more from you about what you've been dealing with. There is hope for a better life for you.

Again, welcome!

~ OH

[stampingt1]

Welcome Déprimé!

I'm new here, too. Our son 18 was diagnosed recently w/ BPD, which makes a lot of sense looking back over the years. I cry a lot, because our life is a roll coaster & I'm walking on eggshells to prevent the next outburst. He only has them at home, so other don't really understand. He's supposed to graduate this year, but not sure that is going to happen. During the outbursts, he is just so upset. I'm lucky that he is physically violent, despite being filled w/ rage. I've learned that other people really don't understand what we are going through. Someone told me to kick him out if he doesn't go to school...NOT helpful at all!

Hugs!

[StressedOutDaily]

Someone recently told me this analogy of a person with BPD -
Imagine that they are driving a car...a Ferrari, but the brakes aren't working.    If they are driving route 66 in the middle of the country (USA), they are in control and doing fine speeding down the road - because it is a straight road with very little traffic.     However take that same driver, same car and put them in the alps...they are going to drive right off the side of the mountain.

People with BPD can seem fine and in control in certain situations - but everywhere else they can be completely dis-regulated and seem out of control.

For me this was a good way to start realizing that at parties and holidays with family and close friends my BPDd is driving the Ferrari on Route 66 and to them she seems like a "normal" (whatever that is!) moody teenager ... but at home and at school she is driving the Ferrari on the ALPS.

[stampingt1]

StressOutDaily,

That is a great analogy!  For our the alps are only at home.

Good luck!

[smallbluething]

hi Déprimé (and welcome)

I feel your pain! I am in the early stages of putting some of the ideas I learned here into practice, but we are still dealing with regular rages from our DD21. It is particularly hard on DD18 who is starting her second year at uni and has been on the receiving end of some horrible abuse. She has MS and has quite enough to deal with as it is and was so upset the other day she was considering moving out. I think if things don't improve I may have to pressure DD21 to move out when she turns 22 (in a couple of months) and can get welfare - mainly for my younger daughter's sake.

The feeling sad and overwhelmed about the whole thing is something I can definitely relate to - although working on letting go and 'radical acceptance' is helping me a bit. There are some good threads on those topics. The general idea is that we can't change out BPD person but we can change how we react to them and their antics, and that we also have to focus on them a bit less, and on our own wellbeing a bit more.

[Manifest32f]

Hi:
I have been dealing with my uBPDd for over a decade now and the ride is terrible. Recently my H & I decided to go away for a couple of months and we are booked to leave on27th. The last couple of weeks have been just hell and now she is throwing a tantrum asking us to cancel the booking, We hope we leave as planned without too much drama. Thanks for reading.

[stampingt1]

Manifest32f,

Have a good time on your much needed time away!  Please let us know how it turns out!