Co-Dependents Anonymous ~ Gregory J. Jurkovic PhD

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Cermak proposed the following criteria for the DSM:
Cermak M.D., Timmen L. (1986). "Diagnostic Criteria for Codependency". Journal of Psychoactive Drugs. 18 (1): 15–20. doi:10.1080/02791072.1986.10524475. PMID 3701499.

Continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others in the face of serious adverse consequences. Assumption of responsibility for meeting others' needs to the exclusion of acknowledging one's own. Anxiety and boundary distortions around intimacy and separation.      Enmeshment in relationships with personality disordered, chemically dependent, other co‐dependent, or impulse‐disordered individuals.      Three or more of the following:         Excessive reliance on denial         Constriction of emotions (with or without dramatic outbursts)         Depression         Hypervigilance         Compulsions         Anxiety         Substance abuse         Has been (or is) the victim of recurrent physical or sexual abuse         Stress related medical illnesses         Has remained in a primary relationship with an active substance abuser for at least two years without seeking outside help.

[Swimmy55]

My son has BPD and my therapist urged me to go to CODA meetings ( Co dependents Anonymous).  They help, even though I don't go all the time. 

[Enabler]

Hey Swimmy,  what do you find most helpful about your CODA sessions?

[Swimmy55]

What has been most helpful to me about CODA sessions are :
1.The reminders that not only do I keep focus on myself and my safety but I am obliged to.  It really helps me with the massive  guilt feelings I have over putting safety first and having my  25 year old son out of the house when he became violent towards me as well as being destructive towards the house ( over $3500 in damages and still counting).
2.  The slogans help too .  They are like affirmations.  My favorite is " If you don't know what to do, get up, dress up and show up". 
3. There is literature to read ( like the CODA Big Book referenced earlier in the thread) that help remind me that I am not being selfish , that my needs are as important as my BPD son's .  I have to put safety first , nothing else matters if my life and even his life are in danger ( he may turn that rage on himself, or I may have had to defend myself, etc). 

[Red5]

2.  The slogans help too .  They are like affirmations.  My favorite is " If you don't know what to do, get up, dress up and show up".

I like that!

Red5

[Enabler]

that help remind me that I am not being selfish , that my needs are as important as my BPD son's

Thanks Swimmy

That's a great point. It's very easy in any disordered relationship to maintain the steadfast belief that YOU are as important as others. I can imagine this being even tougher when that person is your child. It's almost instinctive to sacrifice ourselves for our kids.

Enabler

[Red5]

It's almost instinctive to sacrifice ourselves for our kids.

It certainly is !

Red5