Sad about son's relationship problems

[FaithHopeLove]

I think one of the hardest parts of having BPD has to be what it does to the person's ability to form healthy friendships and partnerships. My son had a gf for 8 years but they fought a lot and really struggled to connect until she broke up with him. That was 2 months ago. Now he is very lonely. He wants to have friends and he really wants a girlfriend but it is so hard because his "splitting" of people into all good and all bad makes these relationships more challenging. Are there any success stories out there that might give me hope?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Faith 

I think one of the hardest parts of having BPD has to be what it does to the person's ability to form healthy friendships and partnerships.

My DD is 30yrs. As so often BPD co-morbid, broad and wide. My DD (quiet borderline) is engaging, endearing, always been right out there socially, huge network of friends and life of the party. Everyone wanted a little bit of her   DD was dx at 26 and through DBT she's reflected and continues to explore her role in her relationships. She let two unhealthy friendships go in 2016. She also told me she needed to sort herself out before any further romantic relationships. The great thing is her friends get her, understand mental illness, there is no stigma. When DD fell into crisis 2015, very ill her friends were there for her. Our home was an open house, they are her support group. DD also has support groups online, like we do here, it's critical as Once Removed thankfully reminds us

Does your son share with you his loneliness, wants for a GF, splitting...…..

WDx

[FaithHopeLove]

I love you WD! That was such an encouraging post! I have similar hopes for my DS24. At this point he shares a lot with us about his loneliness and his wanting a girlfriend. We have yet to get to the full conversation about splitting. I broached the subject but it needs gentle handling. Maybe I will look at some DBT books and see how they approach the subject.

[stampingt1]

Faith,

Since your DD is a quiet BPD does that mean she is quiet at both home & in public?  Our high functioning DS 18, is usually fine in public.  At home is another story!

He girlfriend lives hours away in a different state, which is probably why their relationship has lasted since August. Plus she has her own set of medical issues.

Wendydarling: Glad that your DD has a supportive group of friends & that she got out of a couple bad relationships.

ST1

[wendydarling]

Faith Yes there is hope   

At this point he shares a lot with us about his loneliness and his wanting a girlfriend.

That's very honest and brave to share his feelings of loneliness, how do you respond? Does he talk to you about his relationships with others?

How do you describe your son's splitting? There are different types. I think my DD mainly splits with herself, or is silent. She's never used the term splitting though has spoken of black and white thinking, working to find the grey, harness wise mind to help check the facts and to find the middle road. ST1 sounds like your DS has some control over splitting and perhaps splits in different ways outside the home.

WDx

[FaithHopeLove]

Thanks for the encouragement WD. My son shares his feelings pretty openly with me and his father. This has not always been the case but for the last few years he has been becoming much more open. I think I do pretty well with listening and validating whatever is valid. He spilts by seeing me and his father and also his friends as all good one moment and all bad the next. I am pretty good at not taking it personally when it is my turn to be seen as bad. Fortunately it never lasts.