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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: My ex-wife is turning my adult daughters away from me  (Read 210 times)
Standing strong
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« on: April 02, 2019, 11:04:43 AM »

I was so close with both of my daughters, and suddenly as the divorce is proceeding, my daughters don't want to talk to me.

My ex actually texted my daughters during a mediation session with lawyers saying "daddy's not giving me enough money"
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Barnabus

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 46


« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2019, 07:02:27 PM »

I can totally relate. I have 3 adult daughters and they communicated with me frequently until the last few months. It's like they all talked and decided to give me a dose of "tough love" to try to get me to go back to the stbxuBPDw.

I guess they don't understand that that only makes matters worse and increases the emotional pain.

People tell me that time will help heal a lot of that. I sure hope so because I have invested an enormous amount of time in my kids - probably too much because they became my life when I realized there was no deep emotional "love" happening with their mother.

And it just got worse...
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Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned in Feb 2013.
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Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2019, 10:52:49 PM »

Who told you that,  she or your daughters?
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
ForeverDad
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
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You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #3 on: April 03, 2019, 07:33:28 AM »

My ex actually texted my daughters during a mediation session with lawyers saying "daddy's not giving me enough money".

Did your daughters tell you what she texted or was that what your stbEx claimed?  As has sometimes been commented here, to quote one member, "I know when my ex is lying, it's when my ex opens his/her mouth."

Are your daughters taking sides and influenced overmuch by their mother... or perhaps are they just trying to stay out of the middle of the conflict?  Their mother is of course trying to guilt you into appeasing her, and using the children as weapons.

Unless there is some legal reason to involve them in documentation or involvement, you wish to express to them some gentle thoughts.  "I understand you don't want to be drawn into the divorce details.  I am happy for you both to choose to let your mother and me work it out between ourselves.  Be assured that the court and lawyers have laws and procedures to ensure both parents have protections and safeguards for each to have a reasonable outcome.  This divorce was unavoidable and certainly not your fault nor your responsibility.  You know me, I'm still the same person you've always loved all these years.  I welcome our contact and trust to be as before."

It's possible that once the divorce is final the children may resume communication and relationships.
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