He keeps saying "im spelling it out for you and you still arent doing the very simple thing I ask" - which is, be there for him.
My bph has been saying the
exact same thing. I have lost count at how many times he had said that I never do the one thing he asks when he is raging. It is ridiculous and he makes it known that he shouldn't have to tell me or ask anymore.
He woke up about an hour later and sent me this long text about how I'm still not addressing the problem and it's been over a week since the last time he said the exact same thing and I"ve done nothing since.
I think there is a handbook for generic statement made by people afflicted with BPD. My bph has also been raging on me about how I ignore problems, I carry on like nothing is wrong, etc. When in all honesty, it is he same conversations, just manifested in different ways. I get tired of beating my head on the wall too and I just give up.
I dont even make plans with my own friends these days because it involves making plans without him or that are "about me," so we make plans exclusively with his friends.
I literally turned down a girlfriend on mine today that wanted a girls night out. Told her flat out, he doesn't trust me enough for me to go out on my own. He was accuse me of cheating, running around, etc.
Anyone have any suggestions for how to get out of this cycle? I'm so lost. He told me today he wasn't going to spend my birthday with me in a few weeks, so now any attempt I make to try to make things better he has labeled as "me only trying to get him to hang out with me on my birthday."
HELP
I am sorry to hear that you are having to deal with all of this. I want to echo what Ozzie said. I remember I was told the exact same thing when I first started posting on here.
It was explained to me like this: Think of the pwBPD as a bucket with a hole in the bottom. You can try and try and try to fill that bucket with love and affirmation but it will NEVER be full -- and you will end up empty and exhausted through trying.
It's very common for Nons in relationships with pwBPD to become isolated from their own family and friends. It's important not to let that happen. You need your support system.
I too made my bph the center of my universe. I unfortunately found out real quick that once I stopped doing that, he made it very well known that I wasn't taking care of him and being selfish, etc.. What I am getting at is, it is important to make sure you take care of yourself. My bph had a unique way to make me feel awful for sometimes putting my needs first. Being with a loved one that has mental illness is exhausting and will drain us emotionally if we do not do self care.
I feel a large turning point that worked me that I see in your post is that you recognize there is a cycle and a pattern. I felt like it was a baby step and I was just chasing my tail, but seeing there is an issue, is a step in the right direction.
I feel that Lucky Jim is correct to. In order to break the cycle, it's going to have to start internally and seeing what the outcome you want and how you see your future.
