It gets better and sometimes... It even gets perfect. My sucessful story.

[MissTajo]

Hello, everyone,

I have posted on this page a lot of texts venting and crying for help about my BPD SO and on how to live with it. At one point I even decided to end it, enter the Leaving Board and don't give this relationship another thought. I didn't then.
I stayed put.
Years later after a lot of struggling and a lot of tears I started seeing some changes in his behavior and most of all... in my own behavior. I was stronger, more articulate and getting less and less stressed when in an argument with him that I knew was because of his BPD patterns.

My strength was also my weakness. Due to other events in my life, my new found strength failed me to acknowledge the first signs of depression. I didn't see it coming and I can identify now the symptoms but then I simple didn't see them. I was too busy getting my strong vibe on every single day until I broke. When I did broke,  I knew he had to go.
So I did break up with him then.
We were apart for 5 months but always in touch by phone or texts. I started seeing other people and so did he.

And I new I loved him. I could feel that love in every fiber of my body and in every light beam in my soul.

Later on and after a lot of inner struggling I got over my depression. One of the hardest things I ever done. It was dark, lonely, frustrating and messy. But I got through it.

So in January we met and we talked and that was it. No more hiding, running or ignoring each others feelings. He now knows life without each other is a possibility. And more important than that I know I will be fine if he leaves or if I decide to leave. It will be ok. Live will move on. But I love him. So he doesn't and I don't. Not because its a burden we have to endure but because we chose to be together.

His BPD, six years running now, is practical gone. And I don't say its gone because I want to be aware. I don't see any trace of it in his way of being now. Our disagreements are normal for a couple that has been together this long and are easily fixed. But BPD wise, its totally absent. 

I hope this helps someone today. It does get better and it might even get perfect.

BPD can be cured with a lot of love and pain and struggle.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Beneck]

Hey Miss Tajo! Thank you for this post!

He now knows life without each other is a possibility. And more important than that I know I will be fine if he leaves or if I decide to leave. It will be ok. Live will move on. But I love him. So he doesn't and I don't. Not because its a burden we have to endure but because we chose to be together.

Seems to me that is what all of us can learn from your experience. Whatever happens, self-care and self-respect are one's greatest guides. What do you think?

[theuproar]

And I new I loved him. I could feel that love in every fiber of my body and in every light beam in my soul.

Later on and after a lot of inner struggling I got over my depression. One of the hardest things I ever done. It was dark, lonely, frustrating and messy. But I got through it.

The more I work on myself, the more I see my partner change, as well.  I feel like maybe the pwBPD's inner turmoil is a reflection (at times) of what they grew up with or became accustomed to, so they have to find a partner that is incredibly stable in order to overcome their own struggles.  They reflect their world and the world reflects them, so to speak.

Now that I've been managing my own anxiety, my partner is much easier to communicate with.  She has BPD rage episodes much less frequently, and she's much easier to talk to when she does get provoked.  It's been weeks and weeks now since she's had a really bad meltdown.  It still isn't easy, but it's not gut-wrenching.

Congratulations on your successes, though.  I hope to be there someday soon, as well.

[Steps31]

Thank you for posting