What are the odds of that?

[itsmeSnap]

Hello everyone

Just a bit of background on the story: I had a BPD gf for about two years, broken up now, my dad is most likely undiagnosed BPD, brother has been single for a few years now until recently.

I went out to see a movie with my brother and his gf. I have met her just once or twice before and we didn't really talk, they've been together for a few months now but everyone's been busy with life so I hadn't had much chance to hang out with him/them.

So, I'll be traveling this week and we decided to go see a movie to wind down before I head out (12hr roadtrip).

On the way there we talked a bit about my dad and his "BPD-like" shenanigans like getting upset over not finishing cooking dinner on time or in the "correct order".

My brother knew her story so he nudged her to tell me about her stepdad. Me being here on the boards for a few months now I recognized the signs: anger seemingly out of nowhere, push people away, rigid routines/rules, any minor transgression gets blown out of proportion, the works; most definitely undiagnosed BPD as well.

Now, my brother doesn't fit the BPD bill, though he's a bit quick to anger, its never blown out of proportion and most of the time its justified (if a bit "sensitive"). I don't know her that well but she seemed well enough adapted despite a seemingly enmeshed mother (she mentioned she was controlling, telling her to get a job she didn't want, talking about "rules for sex" with my brother/her bf, stuff like that)

Anyway, they get along really well and despite our similar backgrounds, none of us seem to have "BPD proper".

its said that we seek what we know, what is familiar. Its often said in a context of seeking partners who mimic our (dysfunctional) relationships growing up. It seems interesting now to see them both hit it off with each other, like "growing up in a BPD home" somehow created matching personalities despite neither of them having any major traits.

All of this goes back to the title: what are the odds of that? or maybe its not coincidence...

Have you known anyone (or yourself?) in a similar situation? it seems that "BPD-survivors" happen to have a lot in common as well, enough to feel a sense of comfort/familiarity with each other, thoughts?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ozzie101]

Very interesting. I think there is some truth in that we seek and find comfort in what's familiar. And it does affect your personality, I'm sure, growing up with that.

In my case, in my teen years, one sister was anorexic and, I suspect had/has some sort of personality disorder (or characteristics). My H's adoptive mother might as well, though in a very different way. Anyway, one thing that really struck me when my H started dysregulating was that he was treating me A LOT how my sister used to -- the verbal and emotional abuse. Somehow, without realizing it, I married someone who has a lot in common with the sister who treated me horribly. It was a very surprising, sort of disturbing realization.