Spouse with Severe Anxiety & PTSD

[princessb]

I have just realized that my spouse (attempting to reconcile after filing for divorce) very likely has BPD but has not been diagnosed.  I am to the point that I do not know how to handle the anxiety I get based on his mood...walking on egg shells I recently discovered the book.  I literally start shaking worrying about if he is angry at me or what is coming next.  I'm not sure how much more my body can actually take.  I love him but I am just a nervous wreck.  I am currently seeing a therapist and recently joined CR group for codependency as she suggested but this is a very slow process and sometimes I truly think I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  

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[once removed]

hi princessb and

i remember how anxious i could be when i was in my relationship too. it must be a relief to know theres a name and explanations for what youre experiencing!

its good that youve taken the initiative of seeing a therapist, and reaching out here. a strong support system is really critical. has your therapist talked about meds or tools to help with the anxiety?

how long have the two of you been married and when did the problems start?

[princessb]

Hi,
We have been married 20 years.  I believe this behavior has been going on for a while.  It was not until we separated and then got back together and going to therapy that I realized that I had become of pro at walking on egg shells and trying to do anything to keep him from getting angry.    My therapist says that my body is just not going to let me shelve things anymore.  I do take Xanax as needed for the anxiety but it's a temporary fix so I try really hard not to take it.   I do not want to take anxiety meds long term.   I also workout a lot to try and keep the stress down which he has come to not like that either.   

I am glad to have found this group and some other resources...this really will make you feel like you are going crazy.   I'm praying through some of these resources I can hold it together and find my way.

[once removed]

Xanax is definitely something you wanta take it easy with, as it can be addictive. i also took a supplement called Passion Flower you might want to look into it...its for more episodic style anxiety attacks, it can work quite well, and its generally safe, though youd want to look into interactions and that sort of thing.

the resources and tools here can definitely help. theres endless knowledge for pretty much any situation or circumstance here, and its a good idea to ask questions about what youre learning. i would also encourage you to join in the threads of others...it will help build up your support system, and it will keep you in problem solving mode. im no longer in my relationship, but it has benefited me immeasurably to learn the skills and tools here.

so it sounds like your husbands anger, along with mood swings in general are a primary source of tension in your relationship. whats the anger like? what happens, and how do you tend to respond to it? a good recent example would help too!

[Harri]

Hi.  I want to join once removed in saying welcome to the board!  I also want to echo what he said about reaching out here to others and building a support network.  We all work together to help each other and work on learning skills and tools that can help.

Anxiety is a bear to deal with.  Several people here are dealing with that so you are in good company at least though I know it does not help in terms of managing it.

Are you still in therapy?  What about your husband, is he? 

When you can share more, read and just settle in.  We get it here.