Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 09:21:54 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
99
Could it be BPD
BPDFamily.com Production
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
What is BPD?
Blasé Aguirre, MD
What BPD recovery looks like
Documentary
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: H doesn't communicate well w/uBPDxw...and she shows up uninvited at our house  (Read 496 times)
worriedStepmom
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 1157


« on: April 22, 2019, 10:28:15 AM »

I don't know what I need...

SD11's uBPDmom showed up at our house, uninvited, 3 times in a 24-hour period this weekend.  All of this was ostensibly to deal with an issue with SD11's phone... uBPDmom refused to wait until she had possession (today and tomorrow).  I'm mad at H.

Background:
uBPDmom gave SD11 her old iPhone, attached to mom's apple id and with mom's old phone number.  Tuesday I did a random check of SD11's phone and discovered a sexually explicit text thread from mom's boyfriend.  SD11 said mom's texts have been showing up on both phones, that mom has known about this since she gave SD the phone, and mom's solution was that SD11  delete any texts from mom's contacts without reading them.  H immediately confiscated the phone, but did not tell uBPDmom.

[We told SD that there was nothing wrong with mom's texts, but that some things grown-ups talk about aren't appropriate for kids to read, just like there are movies that adults can enjoy that kids aren't allowed to watch.]

uBPDmom discovered phone had been confiscated on Saturday, when she called to yell at H.
 She hadn't heard from SD all week, and she assumed that H had forbidden SD to contact her.   This is a frequent allegation, and, for the first time, has a kernel of truth in it.

uBPDmom came to pick up the phone Saturday night, then came back Sunday morning at 9:30 am (and woke up H) to drop it off and demand SD call her.  SD was angry because mom wiped the phone and SD lost all her contacts, so SD did not call mom. 

At 4 pm, mom called SD and berated her for not deleting the texts from boyfriend.  mom has now blocked her boyfriend and blames SD because mom has lost her best friend.  Mom also insisted that SD look through the phone to find a copy of the custody decree because mom can't find it.  SD said no, so mom said she won't pick SD up again unless she has a copy.

It took us half an hour to calm SD down.  SD wants nothing to do with that phone now, so we agreed she could give it back to mom and we'd get her a cheap phone.

Mom showed up at 5 to take the phone back and demand to see SD (who refused).  It took H 10 minutes to get her to leave.

I am livid.
1) She showed up THREE TIMES.  On a holiday (one she doesn't celebrate, but we do). 
2) H didn't provide uBPDmom with pertinent information.  AGAIN... which feeds the anxiety/abandonment circle
3) uBPDmom is completely unable to see any situation from her daughter's point of view and actively abdicates any role in protecting SD. 
4) H emailed uBPDmom another copy of the custody decree.  I told him she's a grown woman, and if she can't keep track of her paperwork she can figure out how to order a new copy from the court (it's available online - it's easy). The more he rescues her, the more she relies on him.

H and I had a big fight after the kids were in bed.  We've talked about setting boundaries with uBPDmom for months, and while he agrees with the idea and we've set out what we think are fair boundaries and consequences, he refuses to implement it.  Her behavior is escalating, so he is even more reluctant to initiate any conversation with her.  I told him that I'm done with this - the next time she shows up uninvited, I am answering the door, and I guarantee when I'm done with her she won't come back (she's scared of me - even if all I say is "why are you here?" it will freak mom out enough that she likely won't even come to the house to pick up SD for a few weeks). 

He sent her an email last night but wouldn't tell me what was in it.   

I'm not sure what else to do.  There's nothing we can do about mom's refusal to be a parent, but the rest of it H has some control over, if he'd only be willing to stand up for himself.  I'm frustrated that I've been handed basically all the responsibilities of being SD's mom, except in communications with uBPDmom ... and since H refuses to communicate with her until she makes it an emergency, it's making my job harder.
Logged
Panda39
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Relationship status: SO and I have been together 9 years and have just moved in together this summer.
Posts: 3462



« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2019, 11:27:58 AM »

Hi worriedStepmom,

Just wanted to pop in and say that I can relate, it's tough being the outside person in an old dysfunctional dynamic between your DH, his ex and kids.  It's kind of like when we as adults go home and visit our parents and go into the kid role again, your husbands previous family gets together and the dynamic goes back to what it was.  

My SO's daughters have had little contact with their mom for the last 4 years so I have been lucky the interaction is low, but when I first met my SO and the conflict with the ex was high I was really angry at his uBPDxw, his kids that had been alienated from their father by their mother, and my SO who seemed to have a backbone made of jello.  I got mad and just stayed mad...it became toxic...thank goodness I found the BPD Family. 

My advice is focus on some self-care, step away from the drama and take a break, get the anger in check, and then try again to have a conversation with your husband.  Communication is key when the _____ hits the fan. 

Some things to think about...The Karpman Triangle are you on it?  Is this about your husband rescuing?  You rescuing? or a Boundary that you would like to set?  Is this something you can solve, or should solve, or should let go of? 

Hang in there, this too shall pass 

Panda39

P.S. I think cell phones are one of the worst inventions ever if you have a BPDex in the picture, it's such a tool for control 

Logged

"Have you ever looked fear in the face and just said, I just don't care" -Pink
GaGrl
Ambassador
********
Online Online

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 5722



« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2019, 12:57:49 PM »

Oh, yes -- I can relate! One would think with adult children, we would have had fewer problems with the uNPD/BPD ex, but noo...

Like Panda, I started out marriage with a year of increasing frustration and then anger -- with the ex, with DH (who had PTSD from the first marriage), and with his damaged adult children, who each handled their mother in different and dysfunctional ways. It took three situations for me to determine my need for boundaries.

1) Just before we married, DH's daughter and granddaughter moved in with us in a transition situation for about 6 months while her fiance set up their new work/living situation in another city. Ex, of course, thought they should have stayed with her. I have the lower floor completely over to SD24 -- living area with fireplace, wet bar, bedroom, bath, workout room -- very nice and private. Well, she's not known for her housekeeping, and I wasn't going to clean for her -- I had two other levels of the house and three other baths to deal with. We tried being understanding about Ex wanting to visit the granddaughter and so were okay with Ex and her boyfriend to come over to see them. Ex blatantly spoke Thai to SD24 in my presence, criticizing the condition of SD24's living area, clearly directed at me. Only SD24 and my husband could understand her. SD24 explained what was said later and apologized for her area not being clean. Hey, it was on SD, not me, but still...

2) We had a small wedding at our house, about 20 people. As we were getting ready, DH got a call from Ex saying she would be there at 5PM to pick up our daughter-in-law, who had recently arrived from Thailand, didn't speak English yet, and was uncomfortable staying overnight after the wedding. I just looked at DH like he had completely lost his mind -- that would be the middle of the reception/party. That was the first time I said, "Wait a minute here." Actually, it was more along the lines of, " I won't have your ex here on our wedding day. I don't know what you need to say or do to make sure she doesn't show up here, but you need to do it, and do it now." Done. (But he would have been fine having her walk into our wedding reception, and believe me, she would have stayed.)

 3) Shortly after that, Ex had lumps in her breasts that had to be biopsied, and the five day wait before the biopsy was hell. She called the house and DH's cell incessantly, crying and wailing, demanding that Ex take her to his lawyer to prepare a will (with DH as executor, of course). The lumps were cysts, but you would think she had been diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. I've never seen dramatics at that level -- it was exhausting.

So, boundaries in place...I value privacy in my marriage, free of demands, interference, and disrespect. Ex does not come to our house, and Ex calls DH's cell only in an emergency, and DH takes the call in another room.

This took as much working with DH as anything. He has long operated as a parent to her. There have been u met our attempts over the past ten years that have required a boundary statement or action. She has gotten better but will never completely get it.

Her reaction? "I don't know why Gagrl doesn't like me."

If I didn't figure it out the first year, I can't imagine what it would be like now.

She brings out both the Mama Bear and Southern Lady in me -- "Let me very clearly tell you to go to hell in a way that makes you look forward to the trip. You'll figure out in a few days what happened."
« Last Edit: April 22, 2019, 01:08:54 PM by Gagrl » Logged


"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
formflier
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



WWW
« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2019, 05:23:29 PM »


I'm wondering if you can either back out of the situation or get hubby to agree to let you deal with the BPDish ex.

I get it you are in a tough position, yet two people vying for control of the microphone to talk to a pwBPD is not a good solution.

He really "should" be the one, yet he may be relieved if you step in to shoo her away from property/handle those types of communication.

What can you and your hubby do to get on same page?

FF
Logged

livednlearned
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 12731



« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2019, 12:41:44 PM »

I don't know what I need...

A big vent with your friends here  

I'm mad at H.

It's soo hard when your H's poor boundaries mean your's get breached too.

She showed up THREE TIMES.

Has she come to the house uninvited before?

Excerpt
The more he rescues her, the more she relies on him.

What are some of the things he does for her?

Excerpt
Her behavior is escalating, so he is even more reluctant to initiate any conversation with her.
 

Any idea what might be going on?

Excerpt
I am answering the door, and I guarantee when I'm done with her she won't come back


How did she become scared of you?  

Excerpt
I'm frustrated that I've been handed basically all the responsibilities of being SD's mom, except in communications with uBPDmom ... and since H refuses to communicate with her until she makes it an emergency, it's making my job harder.

It sounds like you have two options. One is to communicate directly with her. The other is to set limits with H.

What are the pros and cons of each one?

I'm curious about how you're dealing with this because it's a theme in my marriage, too. Except mostly with uBPD SD22.
Logged

Breathe.
worriedStepmom
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 1157


« Reply #5 on: April 26, 2019, 08:48:37 AM »

I really appreciate all of you.  I read all your comments and took a few days to really think through things.  There was an unrelated incident yesterday that made me really mad at H, and I think I finally put all the pieces together.  We had a really long talk last night and we might *finally* be on the same page.

Part of the problem is that uBPDmom triggers me almost as much as I trigger her.  We've had multiple times over the years when we were dealing with some non-SD crisis and she's just called incessantly to try to get his attention; I had surgery last week and am unable to walk right now, so all those feelings resurfaced this weekend.

I need boundaries around how much she can intrude in my life, and I'm modeling them after gagrl.  I told H that I am serious - she cannot come to our house uninvited again.  I also do not want to deal with the panic she strikes in everyone when the phone starts ringing incessantly.  That triggers SD, and the other kids get worried about what's going on.  He can turn the phone off or block her or leave the house to talk to her, but the children and I deserve to have our time uninterrupted by her crisis of the day.

He agreed.  He actually sent her a list of his boundaries on Sunday and he's prepared to follow through and enforce them. (He told her the consequence is that he'll block her for 3 days...and that I get to answer the door at our house.)

Then H confessed that he was hurt that SD turned to me and not him on Sunday.  He's very jealous of the bond we've built, and I get it.  I told him that a) she's a tween girl, and they tend to need their moms and b) her mom has never been stable, so now that she's living here she is enjoying the experience of having a "normal" mom for the first time, and c) he's abdicated so much of the parenting to me, and I spend so much more time with her, that this was inevitable.

He was in college for a few years and was a part-time SAHD, so he had a GREAT relationship with SD (and the other kids).  However, his last semester he was working an internship and going to school, so I took on most of the parenting and household responsibilities.  He graduated and got a full-time job right about the time we got custody of SD last summer, and I kept all the parenting/household stuff.  The only thing on his plate was dealing with his ex , and he didn't want to do that, so he didn't.  He's got a lot of guilt to get over - he knows he did the right thing getting custody of SD, but he still feels guilty about "taking her away" from uBPDmom.

He agrees that this has to change.  We're working on a plan for a more fair division of emotional and physical labor.  We're also building a plan for doing more stuff as a family, and trying to figure out a way for him to get more one-on-one time with SD. 

I told him that protecting SD from her mom is one way to earn her trust.  Right now, I'm the one who sends SD upstairs when her mom comes over, I'm the one who distracts SD when uBPDmom calls, I'm the one who takes SD to the therapist and lets her talk through her feelings on the way home, I'm the one who stands up and says "NO, it's inappropriate for anyone to ask SD to decide X", and I'm the one who asks her point-blank if she's okay and prompts her to talk when I know her mom has been on a rampage. 

H's role has been to get rid of uBPDmom...but he's the one who let her into our space in the first place. He also waits for SD to come to him if she is upset or has a problem, but she's an 11-year-old who has been trained by her mom that it isn't safe to volunteer emotions and that it's pointless to ask for what you need because you won't get it.

That was eye-opening for him.  I'm going to try to step back from some of the conversations with SD and let him take the lead...as long as he steps up and is there to grab the baton.
Logged
worriedStepmom
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 1157


« Reply #6 on: April 26, 2019, 09:11:23 AM »

A big vent with your friends here  
 

Excerpt
Has she come to the house uninvited before?
It was more rare when she had primary custody, but in the last year she's shown up about 4 times, not counting the 3 this weekend. 

Excerpt
Any idea what might be going on?
1) SD is putting more boundaries in place.  2) We've taken a vacation and done some other things as a family that make uBPDmom jealous.  3) uBPDmom thought after she went to inpatient therapy for depression in January and then got a therapist that H would see that she was all healthy now and give her back custody of SD.  I believe it's finally dawning on her that this isn't going to happen. 4) I wouldn't be surprised if there's some link to her relationship.  She's supposedly getting married in 7 months, and he still hasn't moved to our state and she still hasn't introduced him to SD. (and she still hasn't mentioned moving out of her parents' house)

Excerpt
How did she become scared of you?
2 or 3 years ago I told her that if she didn't stop texting and calling me (I was at work and she called 12 times in 30 minutes; I never picked up), I would file harassment charges. 

Then last year she was screaming at H on the phone, then segued into telling him that I needed to mind my own business and take care of my kids and it was none of my business if her child had allergies and I should never mention her child again.  I took the phone away from him, said "B****", hung it up, and turned it off.  She's been "terrified" of me ever since.
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



WWW
« Reply #7 on: April 26, 2019, 11:40:12 AM »


You should look into the trespassing laws of your state (assuming you are in the US).

Very general overview based on the states I'm familiar with.


1.  Post your property no trespassing.
2.  Send her a certified returned receipt letter letting her know she isn't welcome and her entering your property without express written consent for each entry will be considered trespassing.

Then...each entry will likely be a misdemeanor.

Is there any reason for her to ever come on your property?  Can exchanges happen in the street?

FF
Logged

GaGrl
Ambassador
********
Online Online

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 5722



« Reply #8 on: April 26, 2019, 12:34:02 PM »

Any threat of legal consequences was enough to get DH's ex to back off. She was never violent with DH, but she had arrests, one overnight in jail, a peace bond, and a restraining order resulting from DV incidents with various boyfriends (two involving her gun). We accomplished what we needed by simply
saying that visits with the daughter/granddaughter needed to happen elsewhere, and by DH not answering the phone, or if he did pick up the phone, clearly telling her to wait A moment while he changed rooms or walked outside. A sign and letter would work with her, for sure. Fortunately for us, she moved 1500 miles away to live in the same city as daughter/granddaughter (not so fortunate for them).

You are perceptive that the jealousy is a factor. It is very apparent that DH and I have a marriage unlike anything she is capable of accomplishing -- and their children are close to me in an adult-adult relationship that they can't have with her. Add to that her sensitivity and resulting jealousy about her (lack of) education compared to mine, and I can pretty much predict the barbs to be sent my way at the upcoming graduation dinner for Grandaughter18. Ugh. I will definitely find a seat at the opposite end of the table.
Logged


"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
zachira
Ambassador
********
Online Online

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 3236


« Reply #9 on: April 26, 2019, 01:08:00 PM »

This may or may not be helpful. The more you can model calm, collected, rational, caring behaviors around all of the people involved, the more likely you will be to see better behaviors from everyone in the long term. As you enforce new boundaries, you will see push back behaviors which will likely be worse behaviors than before until everyone gets used to the new boundaries.
Logged

livednlearned
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 12731



« Reply #10 on: April 27, 2019, 12:13:15 PM »

I need boundaries around how much she can intrude in my life

I think I said almost this exact thing to my T last week 

Excerpt
she cannot come to our house uninvited again. 

That's a reasonable limit to have with someone who makes you feel unsafe or stressed in your own home

Excerpt
He actually sent her a list of his boundaries on Sunday and he's prepared to follow through and enforce them.

How do you think she will respond?
Logged

Breathe.
worriedStepmom
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 1157


« Reply #11 on: April 29, 2019, 07:58:14 AM »

Most of the exchanges already happen in the street, so if the uninvited appearances continue, I will probably go the legal trespassing route.   I hate the idea of having to tell SD that we've threatened to call the cops if her mom comes to our house - SD's home!  I will talk to SD's therapist about strategies for when that happens.

uBPDmom's response to H's boundary email was a single text - "I'm guilty of nothing except loving my child."  That's her standard way of ending any dispute between them. 

Everything was quiet this weekend.  SD comes back to our house tonight, but I am hopeful it will continue to be calm on the crazy front.
Logged
livednlearned
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 12731



« Reply #12 on: April 29, 2019, 09:34:50 AM »

You have good instincts, worriedStepmom. If you feel it's likely to happen again, perhaps you can begin to prepare SD12. Not directly, more in general terms. "If I feel someone is threatening my emotional safety or that of my loved ones, I am protective."

My ex had a psychotic episode and threatened to not release then S11 following overnight visitation. Then, at the scheduled exchange time, ex showed up at the door and demanded I hand over S11's passport and other items. I could see S11 through the door's sidelight and wanted to reach through and hold him. Instead, I spoke calmly and firmly to ex, "Get back in the car." I said it firmly, calmly about a dozen times while S11 stood outside with his dad. Ex turned and walked back to the car and S11 scooted inside the door.

Years later, we had a nuisance neighbor who became a problem (no boundaries), who was always coming to the home. We had allowed ourselves to be taken advantage of and had to neutralize her, to reset boundaries.

My son, almost 18, said, You don't have to open the door to her if you don't want.

Despite the awfulness of that day at our door years earlier with his dad, I think S17 recognized that I protected our home, a sanctuary. He saw it was possible, that people can stand up to bullies and whether it was me or something he could do for himself when he was older, it made him feel safe.
Logged

Breathe.
ForeverDad
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
Posts: 18071


You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #13 on: April 29, 2019, 10:40:37 PM »

From the sounds of H's ex's behaviors, is appears she circles back to test and retest boundaries.  That's bound to happen, one of the hallmark traits of BPD and other acting out PDs is to resist boundaries.  Since it is in some ways predictable, you have to realize she may do this again and again, with variations.  So consistent boundaries are needed to keep those incidents to a minimum.

Clearly those boundaries are mostly H's task, he is the father and she's his ex.  You can be a resource to support him and (nicely) identify to him the times she has gone too far.  Your H's awareness of things and how to respond to them is a Work In Progress.  But over time it will get better.  Just be gentle ( ) when you do remind him of the best sort of responses and boundaries.  Now and then there will be lapses in his awareness and judgment, that's almost inevitable.  Your challenge is to be firm with needed fixes yet also quick to make nice and be the closest of friends and lovers.  As the good book says, "Be wrathful but do not sin, do not let the sun set while you are still angry." (Ephesians 4)
Logged

livednlearned
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 12731



« Reply #14 on: April 30, 2019, 08:05:38 AM »

Clearly those boundaries are mostly H's task, he is the father and she's his ex. 

I think that's the general rule for blended families.

I agree tho that if aggression comes to my door, no matter the form, then the boundaries (actually, rules and pleas) are mine to assert.

When the SDs make plans to stay here, I've asked H to respond, Let me talk to LnL and I'll get back to you. He has a hard time with that, so then the limit becomes mine to set. If plans are made without consulting me, I communicate directly to let them know if that day/time works for me.

Logged

Breathe.
worriedStepmom
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 1157


« Reply #15 on: April 30, 2019, 03:43:32 PM »

It is his job to set the communication boundaries in general...but I will enforce the "not at my house uninvited" one.

I am completely unwilling to allow her to harm my marriage.  H and I have already discussed the possibility of pre-emptive marriage counseling later this year if we have this argument again.  If we aren't both making changes to make this situation better, then we'll get a therapist to help us figure out where we each need to grow to ensure that we aren't arguing over his ex.  I learned in my last marriage not to let issues fester into resentment (also that I am not perfect  ).

Ex reported that she had a grand mal seizure this weekend while SD was asleep and broke her arm.  As far as I know she has never had a seizure before, so now we wait and see if she can find a reason to make sure that SD will be safe with her (especially when she's driving again).
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



WWW
« Reply #16 on: April 30, 2019, 04:11:12 PM »


I would hope that you guys get on same page and can provide each other with strength instead of criticism.

Whatever you can do to celebrate steps he takes in the right direction will likely be good for your marriage.  Remember...he has been dealing with her "stuff" for a lot longer than you have.  Hopefully that can help you find empathy and the ability to encourage.

Best,

FF
Logged

Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!