How do I look after me?

[Omega1]

I made this huge mistake of talking to her about something at work.  She judged me and made me feel I had no integrity - she doesn't work and has never worked in a 'corporate' environment.  She hates my work because she always feels its more important than her and she does the same with other things in my life.
I know she needs to do that to feel better - but I'm allowing it to make me feel so awful.  I feel like she just doesn't like me - thinks I have no integrity, no values - all I talked about was headhunting through Linkedin from a competitor company.  I didn't think it was so bad, I'm not lying to hire anyone, and they actually hired from my team last year.  She makes me doubt myself.  She doesn't ask questions or give constructive feedback - just craps on me for not being good enough.

Every day all day I am not good enough.  I said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, used a tone, asked the wrong question, hung up too quickly, didn't text back fast enough, didn't tell her about a work trip fast enough, etc etc.

How do I prevent all this from making me feel - just - so - sad...?

I should mention that we talked about me moving out and I've rented a place, but only stayed there a few nights over the past few months.  10pm rolls around and she texts me and asks me to come stay at the house and I cave.  I want to be with her...

I keep trying to take time away.  Every time I do, she coaxes me back...how do I stay strong and take time just for me?  What do I say - I've tried things like - I just need some time...
It seems to feel so strange and dramatic, and I think it feels weird for the kids too if I decide to leave or even if I decide to just go upstairs and read.  They know we're fighting because otherwise we are together every moment.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

what did she say?

[isilme]

Could she be feeling you judge her for not working, and so she has to make you feel bad about your job in "retaliation"? 

When he did not work, BPD H refused to listen to me talk about anything to do with work.  People treating me poorly?  Rough days?  equipment break downs?  "I don't want to hear it unless you are less spineless and go yell at someone at work about it." 

Looking back, I think he was so embarrassed he chose not to work for a long time, he was super sensitive to anything that emphasized that I had a job and he did not. 

[SunandMoon]

Don't worry Omega1, it's perfectly normal to head-hunt through LinkedIn. Companies do it all the time and let's face it, people put their credentials online to network and if a better job comes along... hey! Nothing unethical about it at all.

The problem really has nothing to do with that, I think, and is more a chipping away at you. I echo once removed in asking what was said, as that helps identify what's really going on.

Having a rented apartment does sound a bit dramatic. What do you like to do? Hobbies, interests? What did you do before you got married?

[Bambi0323]

"Every day all day I am not good enough.  I said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, used a tone, asked the wrong question, hung up too quickly, didn't text back fast enough, didn't tell her about a work trip fast enough, etc etc."

It's like the words came out of my own mouth. I have also rented an apt, but I did move out. So far it seems to be working for her, but not so much for me. I left because the fights wouldn't stop and she still hasn't said sorry for her infidelity. She was having phone sex with some girl she met on twitch. She has recently been diagnosed w/ BPD (even though we've known for years now), severe anxiety, and some kind of mild agoraphobia. So because the person wasn't physically there her cheating hurts in a completely different way. A much more creative way. She can cheat on me whether I'm there or not, and my own insecurities are tearing my mental state to pieces. I know my words aren't any help, but just know I feel the same or at least very similar. My problem is I don't know how to just quit, this is the furthest I've gotten and we are still together. This is a very personal question, and please don't feel any pressure to answer, but... how is your sex life? Mine is non existent. She would rather have sex via the phone and keyboard than actually touch me. I just don't understand why I'm still here. I truly wish I just didn't care.