BPD Sister Isolating herself

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi everyone

This is my first post on here and wanted to know if anyone else has experienced their family member with BPD isolating themselves?

I have a twin sister with BPD and it’s a constant rollercoaster. Until 4 years ago she was heavily dependent on our mother but unfortunately our mother had a stroke and since then my sister has gone more and more down hill.

I have tried to offer as much help as possible but she sometimes says she wants help and sometimes says she doesn’t. She is in a really bad way physically. Smokes 20-40 per day, only drinks tea and coke and doesn’t go out side of her flat.

I’m not sure what else there is to do. I send her messages every now and then about how much we all love her to try and keep her spirits up.

Our dad is a full blown Narcissist and I believe looking back he made her the scapegoat of the family. Didn’t obviously realise it when we were kids but I can see it now. I have three sister and we all have mental health problems but my twin has it extremely bad.

She has just messaged me telling me to leave her alone so should I just leave her to it or try and push through? She has done this before and come out of it but it was hard work.

Also it breaks my heart to see her destroy herself and I just feel helpless. As I said she is my twin and we were really close when we were kids. Our family dynamic was messed up but only on reflection can we see that.

Any advice will be great.

Thanks

Charlie
 

[Charlieg83]

Hi everyone

This is my first post on here and wanted to know if anyone else has experienced their family member with BPD isolating themselves?

I have a twin sister with BPD and it’s a constant rollercoaster. Until 4 years ago she was heavily dependent on our mother but unfortunately our mother had a stroke and since then my sister has gone more and more down hill.

I have tried to offer as much help as possible but she sometimes says she wants help and sometimes says she doesn’t. She is in a really bad way physically. Smokes 20-40 per day, only drinks tea and coke and doesn’t go out side of her flat.

I’m not sure what else there is to do. I send her messages every now and then about how much we all love her to try and keep her spirits up.

Our dad is a full blown Narcissist and I believe looking back he made her the scapegoat of the family. Didn’t obviously realise it when we were kids but I can see it now. I have three sister and we all have mental health problems but my twin has it extremely bad.

She has just messaged me telling me to leave her alone so should I just leave her to it or try and push through? She has done this before and come out of it but it was hard work.

Also it breaks my heart to see her destroy herself and I just feel helpless. As I said she is my twin and we were really close when we were kids. Our family dynamic was messed up but only on reflection can we see that.

Any advice will be great.

Thanks

Charlie
 

[Kwamina]

Hi Charlieg83,

I would like to welcome you to our online community

I am sorry to hear though about the difficult situation with your sister. Has she been diagnosed with BPD and/or perhaps any other disorder? Has she ever gotten any professional help for any of her issues?

Very sorry to hear also about your mother's stroke. That's quite a difficult thing to deal with

It is sad that your sister seems to be in a negative spiral.

She has just messaged me telling me to leave her alone so should I just leave her to it or try and push through? She has done this before and come out of it but it was hard work.

When you say it was hard work, do you mean hard work for you getting through to your sister? Or are you talking about that it was hard work for your sister coming out of this?

Take care

The Board Parrot

[Harri]

Hi.  I want to join in with Kwamina in welcoming you to the board!  I am glad you have reached out to us.  We have many members with siblings with BPD or BPD traits so you are in good company.  I am sorry to hear that your mom is not doing well too. 

She has just messaged me telling me to leave her alone so should I just leave her to it or try and push through?

When she has done this in the past, how long has she isolated like this?  I would say give her some space for a while so she can self soothe and come back to baseline.  Trying to contact her too much may just push her away more at this point. 

[Shona]

What professional help does she have from agencies and can she get help this way, so it is not all on you ?