BPD Demands me to Answer his Questions

[starryeyed]

When my BPD husband gets in a rage, he demands that I answer questions that are lose/lose.  Basically meaning either way I answer the question will infuriate him even more.  I've tried to diffuse the situation to state that I'd like to talk about this situation when we are both calm (we even have a written agreement to do so), however he continues to ask questions.  Example: Last night he accused me of being mean to him and asked me why I'm so nice to everyone else but not to him.  And I told him that I love him but that I also care for other people.  He continually asked why and repeats the question.   Most of what I read gives advice to just listen to the BPD.  Does anyone have useful tactics when the BPD demands an answer from you? 
I thought about calling the police if he won't stop.  Is it kosher to call the police if he won't leave me alone emotionally?  I do have a written agreement that if he breaks another door (has broken it twice now) or displays any form of abusive behavior to people, objects or pets that I will call the police.

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[Harri]

Hi and welcome!

Example: Last night he accused me of being mean to him and asked me why I'm so nice to everyone else but not to him.  And I told him that I love him but that I also care for other people.  He continually asked why and repeats the question.

Rather than trying to answer his question try using validation techniques.  Or, to be more accurate, Don't Be Invalidating.  A lot of us are invalidating when that is the last thing we think we are doing. 

In your example, he believes that you are nicer to other people than him.  That is his feeling and so that is his reality.   For pwBPD, feelings = facts.  By saying "I love you" you are invalidating his feelings and his sense of reality.  I know you are trying to reassure him, I am just talking about how it is most likely coming across to him.  Rather than saying I love you, say "oh wow, I hate it when I feel like that and I would be asking about it too'.  (or whatever is true for you).  You are not agreeing with him, you are not saying his reality is true... and you are not invalidating him by denying what he thinks is true. 

What do you think?