BPD partner raging, delusional, wants to die

[onthewater79]

Sorry for the intense heading on my post but it is all accurate and reflects the direness of what is going on in my household.

I am 40 years old, my partner is 46, has no formal dx but after he left our couples therapy process my therapist indicated this was quite likely based on his behavior (he fits most of the criteria for BPD and behaviors stable over long-term).

I have my own behavior to be accountable for in this relationship, and I want to acknowledge that. I was unfaithful very early on when we were dating (and before I know anything about BPD) and this sent his world into a tailspin. I have worked to regain trust, and sometimes I see improvements. He can be caring and fun and wonderful, until he is not.

My concern at the moment is for him. He has severe bouts of all-body pain that come and go, and they seem to be getting worse. When he is in these bouts, he is a ball of rage, punches things, swears at God for ever bringing me into his life, wants to the world to burn, and wants his life to end, though he will not kill himself for fear of afterlife retribution (by the God he curses).

He has abdicated most responsibility in life. I am the one who brings in the paycheck, covers for him when he acts out, deals with his compulsive spending that has left me in financial tatters. I swallow feelings most days.

He has been receptive to getting help in the past but seems to have turned away from that. There does not seem to be a solution here, and I do not seek a quick fix. Merely seeking support perhaps the viewpoint of another who has gone through something similar. I do not know what to do and am losing myself through all of this.

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[once removed]

hi onthewater79, and

you sound exhausted, and you have come to the right place for support. im glad you reached out, and i hope youll make yourself at home as part of the family here. a strong support system is really critical, and it sounds like you could use it.

regarding your partner, how long have these bouts of all body pain been going on? is there an underlying cause, do you know, and has he ever seen a doctor about any of it?

regarding you, youre right that there may not be a quick fix, but there are lots of coping skills you can learn here, that will really help, and ive seen members in dire circumstances turn their lives around, so there is hope. are you still seeing a therapist yourself?

[onthewater79]

Thank you for the quick response, feels good to be supported right now.

My partner's pain episodes a bit of a mystery, though very real to him. He was treated for lymphoma many years ago and I do wonder if cancer has returned, but he refuses medical treatment. There is no why I can persuade him otherwise - would need to be his decision, though I offer to go to the hospital w/ him anytime this happens.

In times like these he seems best left alone in his misery. I do not make things better, but usually worse. The constant stream of epithets seems to pick up when I am around.

I am reading stop walking on eggshells and trying to improve my understanding of BPD/improve how I respond to his behavior, but I am indeed exhausted, lonely, anxious and depressed. I have turned to alcohol in the past but that obviously makes things worse in the long-term. I am indeed seeing a therapist who seems to understand well how stressful and agonizing my existence is at the moment.

Again, thank you for your reply. It means a lot.

[once removed]

he refuses medical treatment.

thats really hard. im sure that it hurts to see and hear him suffer, and likewise, to be on the receiving end 

I am indeed seeing a therapist who seems to understand well how stressful and agonizing my existence is at the moment.

how long have you been seeing her, and does it help? im interested in what her thoughts are.

I am indeed exhausted, lonely, anxious and depressed

have you been able to lean on friends or family about any of this?

[onthewater79]

Still trying to figure out excerpt feature here  , but my responses:

Therapist has been helpful and brings a lot of empathy into my life. He thinks the situation is a volatile one, acknowledges the level of manipulation and control (he has seen it in his office), and is concerned for my personal safety. I do not feel like my physical safety is compromised, though emotional sanity is drained. Family and friends are supportive but do not know the extent of what is going on.