My girlfriend making self harm threats, i don't know what to do

[TNL090]

So my girlfriend has been diagnosed with BPD due to a trauma in her past. We have been together for about 1,5 years now and the diagnose was made about 2 months ago. Ofcourse we had our up and downs over the 1,5 years, where she would not talk to me for a days or 2 or where she would be over the top for a few days. But lately she has been making self harm threats and talked about that she didnt want to be here no more (on this earth). Since i am a almost always happy person, i could always deal with it and try to support her. But lately i have seen that hear mood swings would also effect my mood, i have stopped being a regular in my friendgroup's groupcalls, and heard from friends that im less energetic at times. Since i had no one to talk about this i was stuck debating with my self over and over again. And at this point i don't know what to do at all. This is the girl i love but if i think about the future i dont wanna see myself become a complete different person, and i dont know if i want to raise kids with a not so mentally stable person. I dont know if any other members have any experience with this or with having a significant other with BPD. Any tips are welcome!

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Amoeba]

I'm sorry for your confusion. Is your girlfriend getting counseling? Are you learning all there is to learn about BPD and how to deal with the person? I have an adult daughter that lives with us affected by the condition. She's been diagnosed for about 4 years now. I'm just beginning to scratch the surface of learning what makes her tick and how to deal with it. It is not easy and every situation is different. Pick up the book Stop Walking on Eggshells https://www.amazon.com/s?k=stop+walking+on+eggshells&gclid=Cj0KCQjwn8_mBRCLARIsAKxi0GKQ5Ua-VOKjCW09qXeRqPIjdaAeNneLiz5Mz65wr2p4FodTvGsGkFQaAmpEEALw_wcB&hvadid=338628347891&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9012214&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t2&hvqmt=e&hvrand=8964398770749452380&hvtargid=kwd-301609965543&hydadcr=15525_9753467&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_41j0j3at33_e.

I am also taking an online Dialectic Behavioral Therapy course by Amanda Smith: www.hopeforBPD.com/borderline-personality-disorder-treatment/family-dbt-and-communications-skills-coaching

You are not alone in your struggle. Hang in there.

[itsmeSnap]

I dated a person I believe to have BPD, not diagnosed though, not suicidal either.

The self harm thing is a serious concern, it should always be taken seriously.

this article has a section on what to do when someone is feeling suicidal (third section from the top I think it is)

It can be a really traumatic experience, so its good to have support: family, friends, us here on the boards. Keeping connected can help you stay centered, you don't have to go it alone.

She will need to work through her own issues, and you can support her if you really feel up to it, but just keep in mind that you can't "fix her", nobody can really, but that doesn't mean there's no hope for her either.

As for getting unstuck, talking about the choices we have to make and saying the pros and cons of each usually helps to narrow them down and make it easier to choose a path.

What are your thoughts on the situation? How did your inner debates played out? also valid is: would you rather not make a choice right now and wait and see how it develops before doing anything else?