Hi Browneyed89,
So everyone else is trying to suck you into the drama
You could limit how often you answer the phone (Slow things down/Set a boundary)...maybe answer once a day vs. every time it rings.
You can deflect not just by humor like
Happy Chappy (and he's good at it/often cracks me up ), you could also ask questions vs. trying to solve everyone's problem...Really? Why do you think she said that? or What do you think she will do next? or What resources are available? or What if she doesn't want you to do that? Basically you are both allowing the person to vent but are putting the problem solving back on them. If you can't think of something to say sometimes I just use "Wow". Wow, she really did that? said that?
You could also try validating the other person's feelings I'm sorry she said XYZ that must have hurt your feelings which takes me back to asking questions...Why do you think she said that? What did you say?
You can also just be honest and ask them to keep you out of it...Hey mom/sis I'm sorry all of this is going on but I'm really not in a position to help from here, let me know what you work out. (put it back on them)
I also wanted to share information on the Karpman Triangle because I'm hearing a lot of triangulation in your story (link below)...
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108440.0The goal is to get off the Triangle.
Glad you've jumped in and joined us
Panda39