When devaluation and splitting appears in a relationship with a borderline?

[DanMR]

After how much time devaluation and splitting appears in a relationship with a borderline?

After how much time in your experience?

Me I am dating my gf who I think she has BPD for 1 year.

She "devalues" me (gets angry easy, not talking, she's mean etc) for maximum 1-2 days then she's normal or even "idealise" me for 1-2 weeks and the cycles repeats.

That began after 6 months of relationship with her.

When do you think the devaluation will be more intense with the famous "I hate you - don't leave me" ?

How was for you?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi DanMR,

i dont think there is a one size fits all answer to your question.

splitting, in general, is part of the world view of a person with BPD traits. they see the world in black and white, see others in black and white, and even see themselves in black and white, generally speaking.

what may be confusing is that this feels like a cycle they go in and out of, but in fact for someone with BPD traits, its very consistent.

more confusing is that in general, people with BPD traits feel emotions intensely - BPD is a disorder of emotions. they are sensitive to criticism, to rejection, to stress, and in general, so they are "set off" more easily than most people...sometimes its a disproportionate reaction to something that would be legitimately upsetting to anyone, sometimes it may be distorted. but what is important to understand is that you arent dealing with two different people or two different personalities, the hot and cold version are both her.

does that make sense?