BPD Sister Mentally Attacking Since our Father Passed Away

[kbarrin]

Hello,
    This is my first post. My mother has BPD and our relationship was horrible, when my Dad passed away three years ago we placed her in a nursing home and discovered she has Alzheimers. Her disease is in the late stages and she is no longer threatening to me. However, since the death of my Dad my sister,(also BPD)  who until then had little to no contact with me (maybe a phone call to my parents' home on Christmas Day) has become incredibly manipulative and verbally and emotionally abusive. Additionally, our parents made us joint POA for financial affairs and my father left a large estate to my mother. This means that every financial decision takes both our signatures.
    My sister controls every detail and is relentless. My mental health and my relationship with my DH is suffering. The level of manipulation continues to heighten. This week I received an email that my Uncle had died in October 2018 and they needed my signature ASAP because my Mother was named in his will. I live 8 hours away from my family and no one had even notified me of his death last fall. I did some counselling years ago to help my learn to deal with my mother, but it was very general. I am not sure where to go from here.

[Kwamina]

Hi kbarrin and welcome to our online community

I am sorry you lost your dad three years ago. It is often quite difficult losing a close family-member.

You mention your relationship with your BPD mother who now has Alzheimer's and as a result is no longer threatening to you. Before she got Alzheimer's, in what ways was your relationship horrible with your mother?

However, since the death of my Dad my sister,(also BPD)  who until then had little to no contact with me (maybe a phone call to my parents' home on Christmas Day) has become incredibly manipulative and verbally and emotionally abusive.

Dealing with verbal and emotional abuse is very unpleasant. In what ways is your sister being manipulative and abusive?

This week I received an email that my Uncle had died in October 2018 and they needed my signature ASAP because my Mother was named in his will. I live 8 hours away from my family and no one had even notified me of his death last fall.

I am very sorry you now also just found out that you lost your uncle last year. This is a horrible way to find out. Were you close to your uncle?

The Board Parrot

[Harri]

Hi and welcome.  Glad you reached out for support.

I am not sure where to go from here.

I am not sure where you should go either to be honest.  Where do you want to go with your relationship with your sister?  Is not being POA an option? 

If you will have continued contact with her, we do have communication tools that can help you protect yourself while having to discuss things with her about your mom. 

The tools won't help with things like your sister not telling you about your uncle though.  I am so sorry that happened. 

Share more and we'll see what we can come up with.  In the meantime, I hope you hang out and read and jump into other threads.  It will go a long way in helping you and it will help you build a support network of people who get it.

Again,