what can I do to change my parenting before DBT starts?

[momkirby]

My 16 year old son may have BPD.  He fits the description and exhibits the signs.  What can I do to help him until he can get into therapy?  I want to try to help him now, and I want to start to protect myself from his emotional roller coasters, his severe attachment to me, and his black and white extremely judgmental thinking.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hi Momkirby, welcome.

In reading your post I can see that your son has not been officially diagnosed as having BPD.   From what I have been reading in other posts, the opinion of professionals differ in what they consider the age where that assessment can be made.

My daughter was never officially diagnosed but it was suggested to us from different counsellors that it was highly probable that was it in her case.  I, like you, feel that she fits the description very well.

Whatever, know that having an official diagnosis is not a pre-requisite for participating in this forum.   Indeed, so much of what you can learn here can be applied in dealing with others in your day-to-day life.

Yes, Momkirby, so good to start doing your homework as soon as possible...get yourself educated.  If you can learn to diffuse some volatile situations, this in turn will help your son to work things through.  You are so, so wise in wanting to learn how to protect yourself.  That saying about putting the oxygen mask on yourself first can be a game-changer.

So...let us know more about your son...his behaviours.  Wonderful thing about being here is you can tell as much or as little as you want...you can come as often or as little as you want...24/7...and...you keep your anonymity.   It can be very isolating when one feels they are alone in their problems.  Here there is always someone who relates to the story you tell...always someone to let you know what has or has not worked for them.  This is a very supportive community. 

Once again...welcome...glad you found us.

Huat

[wendydarling]

Hi Momkirby

Along with Huat I welcome you. I'm glad you've found us and reached out for support. How are you coping,   dealing with BPD behaviours can be so exhausting and you're right a change in approach and how we communicate with our sensitive children definitely helps improve our situations as you'll learn here.

What's your biggest concern right now?

You are not alone.

WDx

[mamabolivia]

I suggest the Walking on Eggshells book - actually I think it should be required reading for anyone ever, just to help with all sorts of relationships!

[Seekinghelp25]

I also suggest "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder" by Randi Kreger.