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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: We found this place for a reason.  (Read 356 times)
JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
********
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3520



« on: May 12, 2019, 01:27:15 PM »

We all did our frantic searching. We screamed “why?” inside of our heads. We read here for a while, and then we opened up and started to talk about our lives. What was it that caused you to open up and express yourself?
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
zachira
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 3236


« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2019, 03:21:16 PM »

Most people have no clue what it is like to have a family member with BPD. The staff and many of the members really get it. It feels so good to be understood and to be able to help others.
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JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3520



« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2019, 03:48:09 PM »

Yes, z. It feels so good and freeing to be understood. I have close friends that know my story, but I know where I have to press the brakes. They don’t get it, and I’m glad that they don’t. I do have a very good friend that is opening up about trouble in his marriage. He’s mentioned BPD and NPD. He’s looking for answers. From what he’s said, he’s on the right path. He doesn’t want a divorce, and I’m supporting him in the best way that I can. Listening more than talking.

The members and staff here are priceless. I’m alive because of them. I’m doing well because of this place. It’s been nice interacting with you this weekend. What caused you to open up and share your life here?
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
zachira
Ambassador
********
Online Online

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 3236


« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2019, 04:54:26 PM »

In response to your question: What caused you to open up and share your life here?
I found this site after my siblings decided they hated me after all the therapy I did to become a better person and had become quietly self confident. They kicked me out of Christmas when I had been feeling so happy that I was now on the right path.One of my friends who is a therapist had suggested a while back that my mom had BPD, which is certainly a fit along with the NPD. I was really devastated by how mean my siblings were to me and continue to do so when they are on one of their mean streaks. I knew I had a lot to work to do in therapy as I had learned many inappropriate ways to interact modeled by my family members. As I became a better person, more people started to really like me, which was unbearable for my siblings as they could no longer easily sell the scapegoat story to others. This site has been unbelievable in supporting me when my siblings go on another round of trying to get me, which has probably been the hardest part to adjust to. I was over being kicked out of Christmas in 2017 and then they did even worse things to me.  I have become more quietly self resilient and will be likely less wounded by the next round of attacks by my siblings. I depend on this site because the staff and most members really get it, and it is too much to share with my friends who are very supportive yet have their limits on how much they can listen to which I understand as they are not in the same boat as I am. I am due for another round of mean behaviors by my family members; it is just a matter of when and what. I can not go NC though being LC helps a lot.
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JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3520



« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2019, 05:19:34 PM »

I’m so sorry. You got better and your siblings pulled the stool out from under you. You got up twice, and you’re still pushing on. Helping others nonetheless. Are you ready to embroider “Rockstar” onto your favorite plain T yet? I don’t need to explain anything to you that you don’t already know. I’m pissed off at the fact that you were treated so poorly. I’m so very happy to know that you refuse to quit. I said in a post a while back that if the  Cursing - won't cause site restrictions at Starbucks (click to insert in post) hit the fan, this is the first place I’d turn to. Well, after my best friend. You all are strong and have been through so much only to have the resilience to help others. You rock my face off! Anyway, let’s get back to it.

I just posted about BPD/NPD and how it’s basically impossible to crack that code. You know, my parents are dead. It’s terrible to feel this way, but I’m glad that they are. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this. You’ve paid your dues.
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3520



« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2019, 05:33:39 PM »

Visit us here. It’s fun.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=329349.0
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
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