witness to their gaslighting with others

[hotncold]

Something happened recently where I saw my uBPD/NPD parent attempt to gaslight and create chaos in someone else's life, and I have to say I felt a bond of extreme friendship to the person who experienced it, because the person was able to identify the behaviour and essentially call it out. What's crazy is that I could explain in complete detail all the events, but to any outsider it might look as though it was a giant miscommunication and confusion. My mother essentially lied and said someone in the family had volunteered to prepare a family meal. That person had never volunteered, but it sewed confusion, and put the blame on the person on question for messing up the entire family get together because that person assumed my mother was in charge of the meal and when he asked her if she needed ingredients she simply said no, but then whispered to everyone else in the family that he was in charge of the meal.

When everyone was able to sort out the mess and talk about it calmly without blaming each other, it's clear that my mother simply did this to create confusion and conflict between family members. She was called out on. Which never happens.I was always the one calling her out and I was alone in it. This really felt like a breakthrough moment. I was a bystander and witnessed my mother's tactics against others. It was an epiphany: She does it to others. It means that it's not my fault. And finally those other people are wise to her so they are able to stop in their tracks. I think this is the issue with these types of disorders. We can put a stop to it collectively, if others are willing to work together. But that means people who have been enablers need to stop being blind to their own roles in this and stop making excuses for the pwBPD, and need to work with others who are close to essentially put in place very strong boundaries. I can see how something like this can be almost impossible in a romantic relationship because there will always be exes, or crushes or other people in the orbit of the pwBPD who will provide escape from the boundaries that anyone may try to impose. But my mother has played family members against eachother and now... we are ALL wise to her. At the least the ones that matter and who have power. And it means that she has much less room to sew discord. But it's incredible the things she will try and do, the words she twists. A really strong bond of trust has to exist between the other family members. We have to have eachother's backs otherwise it won't work.

[Turkish]

This is good.  Let us know if this results in you feeling better the next time your mother does this,  and if you still have support.

[Harri]

This really felt like a breakthrough moment. I was a bystander and witnessed my mother's tactics against others. It was an epiphany: She does it to others. It means that it's not my fault.

Reading this, I felt a sense of relief so I can only imagine how much better it felt for you, the confirmation that you are not the cause and she does it to others.

I too want to know how this carries over as the realization sinks in and if you see improvement the next time.