setting boundaries and moving forward

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi. My sister displays many of the characteristics of BPD. After years of trying to help her (not very effectively) I am finally trying to set us on a new, kinder and more compassionate path. I sent an email that explained the impact her actions have on me, and told her I didn't want our relationship to continue on its current path. I provided a few examples and also told her she was very important to me and that I loved her. she responded in an unexpected way - she called, was very emotional but actually asked some questions. She tried gently pressing a few buttons (eg telling me she had considered self-harm and had a plan) but stopped when I didn't respond. She was genuinely (I think) shocked that she has had this impact on me for so long, and I acknowledged that I had handled things badly by not talking to her about it.

she lives interstate and I am flying to see her this weekend in hope we can start to set a new course. I have no idea what I'll be walking into. Has anyone been down tis road? I'd love some tips about how to manage what will be a very emotionally charged situation.

[firststep]

Hi. My sister displays many of the characteristics of BPD. After years of trying to help her (not very effectively) I am finally trying to set us on a new, kinder and more compassionate path. I sent an email that explained the impact her actions have on me, and told her I didn't want our relationship to continue on its current path. I provided a few examples and also told her she was very important to me and that I loved her. she responded in an unexpected way - she called, was very emotional but actually asked some questions. She tried gently pressing a few buttons (eg telling me she had considered self-harm and had a plan) but stopped when I didn't respond. She was genuinely (I think) shocked that she has had this impact on me for so long, and I acknowledged that I had handled things badly by not talking to her about it.

she lives interstate and I am flying to see her this weekend in hope we can start to set a new course. I have no idea what I'll be walking into. Has anyone been down tis road? I'd love some tips about how to manage what will be a very emotionally charged situation.

[Kwamina]

Hi firststep

I am glad you took this first step by joining our online community

In what ways have you tried to help your sister before?

BPD is a challenging disorder and can definitely affect people, it can take quite a toll on you dealing with a disordered family-member.

It becomes very clear though how much you love your sister and how much you want her to get better. At the same time you've also clearly reached your limit and need and want a change in your relationship with your sister.

We describe various tools on this site which can be very helpful when dealing with disordered family-members. The tools include communication techniques such as validation and S.E.T. and resources about setting boundaries, radical acceptance and mindfulness.

Has self-harm and suicidal ideation been an issue your sister has been struggling with before or was this the first time that she mentioned something like this?

The Board Parrot

[Harri]

Hi!  I am so sorry I missed this when you posted but glad to see Kwamina, our Board Parrot, missed nothing!

He gave you some good input and I hope you had some time to review things.

It is Saturday and I am wondering how things are going for you.  Let us know when you can.