Moved back to my mom's house and other issues, feeling depressed and alone.

[Cloudy Days]

I have moved from Arizona to my mom's house. I am having a really hard time with depression. I am not necisarily showing it but living with my mom isn't going to be a cake walk. She tends to be very rude to me which at this point I tend to be fragile in my emotional responses. She'll blame it on being hungry or something but I've not even been here a week and I am already over it. I am the type of person that trys not to be a burden, I have already found a job after 3 days of being back. I tell things like it is if I don't like something though and today she jumped on a motercycle with her boyfriend who had been drinking, when I said something to her she replied "he isn't beating the crap out of me". No she'll just wind up dead, no big deal right... no helmet or anything. I'm really just at a loss.

My husband was released from jail and checked himself into a mental hospital. I have talked to the doctor and a social worker and they are both in agreement they see some brain damage and severe memory problems. I have talked to him for some pretty long phone calls and when I mention what he did to me he just says "I don't understand, I don't understand" It really irritates me and is extremely invalidating because it seems like another way to get out of accountability for what he has done to me. What doesn't he understand? I mentioned to the doctor that he has really strong delusions of me cheating on him and he went into one of his delusions about how he thinks I had sex with a teen kid, defending his rediculous belief. Then when I got angry and told him that's why we are getting a divorce he starts crying. It really bothers me he is keeping hold of this disgusting delusion.

I feel very alone. I am going to go to a domestic violence support group next week but that's an hour. My friends have lives and I am not one to impose on people especially after I have been out of their lifes for 13 years. I've decdied for myself that I am not going to drink alcohol as I feel it would be an escape and I would just bawl my eyes out. I find myself overeating though on a major scale. I can't be doing that. I don't quite know how to deal with the loneliness. especially when I have an unemotional mother that runs off to her room after she eats dinner and any times she talks to me it is to bitch about my dogs. You know she didn't even give me a hug when I came back. My aunts did, and my grandma and even my mother in law, who I feel is more mothering than my own mom. It kinds of explains why I ran off to marry someone who laid the love on thick. I was craving it and now I still crave it. I feel like I am more emotionally mature than my own mother. She functions in life but both of her children are failing in life and she gets really angry that it might have something to do with how we were raised. I haven't said anything to her about it again and she keep brining it up. I just want to heal and figure out why I made the stupid decisons I have made. I just want to get my life back together, I feel like it is in a million peices.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[SunandMoon]

You've been through so much, Cloudy Days   and, although you maybe can't see it yet, you are getting your life together. One step at a time...

I'm sorry your mother is like this. It must be so hurtful. You probably realise that her dysfunction may be a big part of why you chose your husband. That's something to explore, for yourself and your own healing.

The same with your husband. I can very much understand feeling disgusted by the accusations he has made - they are disgusting - and now the "I don't understand" response leaves you with no closure.

Unfortunately, you will probably have to accept that you'll never get closure or the validation you need.  Your husband is a very sick man. That's not your fault and not your problem any more although, of course, it will take a while for you to really accept that.

There are so many positives in your post though - the love of your aunties, your decision not to drink, your meeting next week with the DV support group and you already have a job - congratulations! You've really made some big steps forward and you should be proud of yourself!

It's early days in your new life and I'm sure it's hard. Keep posting here... we'll help you get through it.