To my BPD Ex,
I don’t care if you do or don’t read this, but I have somethings I want to say. You’re a horrible, evil, manipulative & cruel person. I deeply cared for and loved you at one time more than I did myself. I would have done anything for you, and you knew it.
Ill never be able to fully comprehend what went on in your head; You went from posting about how happy you were and your Irish family to me being the worst person in the world in the space of 24 hours me not knowing what I had done. How you handled the whole situation was like an evil spoiled brat. You never once tried to talk about the relationship and why you supposedly weren’t happy which was all my fault. Firstly, you projected your faults in the relationship onto me casting me as you. This still wasn’t enough although you always knew what you were doing and your next steps in the forms of what relationship you would go onto nest. You had to keep me around in my misery to watch like a sadistic voyeur getting pleasure from watching the pain you were inflicting. It made you feel powerful, you revelled in it getting drunk off the misery and just shows who you are. When you got me to fake a conversation so that you could send it to your new lover to convince him I was just a friend I refused to do so until you happily lied about your fear for your kids safety unless I did this knowing that I would cave. Your exact words you would never live with yourself if anything happened to the girls you knew the script, and once I had served my purpose I was cut off again and thrown out in the cold, left with both the shame and the grief. You posted you’re next 2 boyfriends on FB in the space of a month of us breaking up a teenager would have had more respect let alone a grown woman.
When I said you may not be your Stepfathers blood but you certainly were his daughter was never a truer statement. He trained you and so did your mum and you became a hybrid version of their worst traits with a pretty face thrown on it to deceive the world. I don’t if you were ever real there were so many lies that I knew were complete BS. You would lie even though I knew you were lying even when there were clear lies and I would say I don’t care that it’s a lie you would deny it to the ground still just cos you have to control the narrative. You’re incapable of truth.
My biggest regret is wasting my love on you.
I should of known when you went into refuge you clearly had never ended things with your husband even though you should me pictures of the letter you wrote him etc. I knew deep down why would of it all kicked off if the relationship had been over with him! I should of told you to fck off but I didn’t want to let you go. I am glad I didn’t tell you to fck off, not because I got to spend a few months with you but as that’s the kind of loving trusting person I am and I will never changed that or let you take that away from me. I embraced your children with as much love as I would for my own family from the moment I met them outside that church in Crowborough although I always knew I was at risk of having that relationship snapped away from me as there was a high likelihood you would return to old patterns. It also shows how little you actually care about those girls. They are pawns to you and exactly what your step father thought of you, they are status symbols, objects to be controlled and used. You had just left their father taken them out of their school and home and brought them to a Refuge! Even though there was no need to. You did this to gain an advantage on your husband and also cos you wanted to go away for the weekend and
PLEASE READ and feel excitement for yourself you were never scared. Then you kissed a man (me) in front of them and spent a weekend in a hotel room with him.
You pushed and pushed to get your daughters to speak to my nieces, I am just glad I never let my blind love for you surpass my love for my nieces no how matter much you pushed I never allowed it cos I knew deep down you could just turn around and cut everyone off when you felt like it. I didn’t want my nieces to be in a position where they could be hurt by you.
You’re a façade a sham of a person. Nothing you say has any value or weight to it.
You blame your problems on your “Illness” because you’re lazy and unwilling to actually work on yourself, you have a personality disorder not a Mental Illness.
There is so much I could say and go into but I wont, even why I felt compelled to write this is not for your benefit, its because when you ended things you gave me no closure purposely, you took the cowards way out. You wouldn’t face or speak to me. Just gave me a long text out of nowhere. You were incapable of having a grown up conversation so reverted to your childish
PLEASE READty self. You treated me like the dirt off your shoe and as if I was a stranger harassing you.
You sent me a video of you telling the girls I had gone to Africa to help the children as if I was supposed to happy that you gave me a nice disappearance story. Then you introduce them to your new lover and then again all in the space of a month all while in the heat of an intense custody battle . Your actions speak louder than your words ever will or than I can say. As I said at the start of this I don’t care if you read this or not but I wanted to say my piece that you never allowed me to speak cos it might mean you’d actually have to face your actions and acknowledge what you did.
Ill finish this letter with this; when you were getting me to lie to your new lover was the only time you were ever honest with me.
You said: “You were a
PLEASE READ, an evil bitch, stupid an idiot, that you had everything you ever wanted and still weren’t happy. You’ll never be happy and that is truly sad, you are incapable of happiness cos you’re too lazy to work on yourself and too arrogant that you think you don’t need to and everyone else does.
I am not angry anymore. I bear no feelings of hate or love for you. You are just a memory, a time in my life when I was looking for something that really didn’t exist. The person I loved was the one I created in my mind which was far from the reality of what you actually were (Polar opposites).
This is the last thing I will ever write to you as in my concisous you do not exist, and you never really did.
Goodbye forever.
Regards,
Mr. Strongerwithoutyou
