Feel like I'm on the verge of a meltdown

[Lcjg]

This is my first post and I'm really nervous.  I have a 26-year-old daughter with BPD and the last 15 years of my life have been hell.  I love her so much but I feel like I'm on the verge of a meltdown.  I feel very alone in dealing with her, her father and I divorced when she was about 13 and he doesn't agree with my parenting style.  She lives with me and has been through 4 jobs in the last year, she doesn't stay more than 2 weeks before she has anxiety and can't go back to work.  I am drowning financially trying to support her but feel I can't just kick her out of the house.  She sees a psychiatrist and is on meds but never feels like they are working for her.  I just need for someone out there to know what I am going through so I don't feel so devastatingly alone in all of this.  Thanks in advance

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello lcjg
Let me be the first to welcome you to the group and assure you that you are in the right place to get help and support. You definitely did the right thing by posting here. It was a big step and I   congratulate you for taking it. It sounds like you really have your hands full with your daughter. Her behavior is so typical of people with BPD. It is frustrating I know. The good news is there is hope and things can get better. There is a ton of excellent information on this website and tools and skills that many of us have successfully used to improve our relationships with our BPD children. What is it that most concerns you right now that you would like to share. Whatever you feel comfortable disclosing is fine to post. There are no judgments here.

[livednlearned]

Big hello, lcjg. This place is a kitchen table with many chairs, endless tea and coffee, and lots of people who understand exactly what you're going through. Glad you posted. It makes us all feel less alone  

My step daughter (22) has intense anxiety too and I feel like it's contagious.

Being on the verge of a meltdown sounds familiar   Is there anything you can pinpoint that is making things worse?

 

[Lcjg]

Thank you so much for your response.  I love the visual of the chairs and endless tea.  I think it is a cumulative effect.  I am realizing that my daughter is not going to ever have a "normal" life in how we usually define it.  Also I am so tired of the roller coaster of her life.  I try to keep myself on track but it gets really hard when someone you live with has endless ups and downs.  I am working on taking care of myself and having some fun, also accepting where she is at and looking at what is possible from there, not from my previously held dreams for her.  It's just not how I thought things would go...grieving that loss.  

[FaithHopeLove]

I know what you mean about grieving. It is so weird. Our children haven't died but something has. The person we thought they would be is no longer. Letting go is so hard but I find that it is the only way. Once I accept the son I thought I had does not exist I am able to love the real person who does exist and needs my help.

[livednlearned]

I had to go through a grieving process with S17 who is only now diagnosed with (what used to be called) Asperger's syndrome.

Let the grief wash over you. It's an important emotion to work through and cannot in my experience be rushed.

There is something brighter on the other side. It isn't easy and it isn't the same as what you imagined for your child or your family or yourself. It's something that is hard to get your head and heart around until you get through the grieving.

I think the grief is a painful way to lay down an important foundation built on strength. You survive the grief, then you go on to survive the reality of what you have before you, and that somehow presents new possibilities you maybe couldn't understand or see before the grieving.

[Elizabeth22]

Welcome, Lcjg  

You have landed in good place. I have been here off and on for a few years and recently came back full of anxiety. These wonderful people helped me through it. We are all here for you.

oxoxox   
E22

[stampingt1]

Welcome Lcjg,

My DS18 has Borderline Personality Traits. I totally understand the "roller coasters" & the "grief". My DS is unable to graduate from high school with his class. I think it's harder on me than it is on him. I can't bring myself to attend any of the graduation parties. It's NOT FAIR! He has always been on the honor roll, but was unable to attend this last trimester due to extreme anxiety.

I would suggest you get some books on BPD & see a therapist. Those things are helping me, despite "graduation season" being tough for me.

 

Stampingt1