How do I handle this?

[Oxo]

For the last 3 years I have been subjected to significant negative splitting, protections  and repeated rages disproportionate to the perceived wrong I have done .The rages Often  follows something we have done together that has in someway been nice and successful. My wife of 38 years had a cancer diagnosis and developed other health issues which although is in remission is obviously a significant and traumatic stressor. The rages have got worse and a few weeks ago had to leave under awful conditions (I've talked about them elsewhere) but yesterday she had to attend for another procedure and I helped out and supported as I always do along with others she asked for. The difference was this time afterwards she text me to thank me for all I did and said that on her face page. I don't know if to take this at face value and see it as a sign she is starting to see me in a balanced way orit just to impress her  friends (some new) as when we are together she portrays a picture of being loving to me which quickly evaporates in private.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

I would take it as sincere in the moment, because it likely is,  despite all of the other things.  If she's BPD, it's likely true that she can think of you as both all good or all bad, and both may be sincere in the moment. I know that can cause us pain and confusion. That's tough to deal with. 

[Oxo]

Afraid after the glimmer of light yesterday today it's back to I am more use just doing the practical stuff this morning when I text this morning. It is just so hard - I just want to be there for my wife -she has real health problems and it kills me being pushed away , enduring being accused of being unloving , abandoning and abusive husband. It clearly affects her that I am starting to attend support groups and getting a little post retirement job and it comes up in texts and conversations with her . I wonder if I clearly start to make decisions to continue to be independent and have a separate life , develop independent friends if that would improve/ save our marriage. I really don't want it to end but cannot see how I can continue living in this horrible limbo.