No one knows

[Borderlined]

Im happy and grateful to find this message board. For many years I've gone through life thinking I'm not right. No one understands unless you are married to a person with BPD .It has led me to therapy where I found out it isn't me. I've become enlightened to the fact my wife has a mental disorder. I love her very much. But my life sucks. She is aware of some of her issues. But if I mention BPD she hits the roof! So we play exhausting games of choosing the exact right words at the exact right times or there will be a price to pay. I've spoken to her therapist and I'm baffled at her lack of help in this matter. My wife is worse than she ever was. She's lost her license,ruined our vehicle,lost her job ,has cut at one time,made a suicide attempt,always hurt by her family ,always hurt by me,hurt by words cashiers say... it goes on and on.
I could fill pages here of my life of turmoil and anxiety. I just wanted to make a first post and ramble some. I carry a pit in my stomach from her constant unhappiness with the world and our financial situation that she ultimately has caused.
Took her for dinner last night and instead of a kiss the night ends up with her screaming at me sitting in the car in the drive. I didn't sign up for this
I don't like jealousy in me, but see other couples that can do the most simple things like hike or bike riding and have a genuinely peaceful time and I get so jealous its almost disabling . I've tried so hard .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi Borderlined and welcome to bpdfamily.

You sound tired.  I am glad you are reaching our for support here.  We get it and you are not alone.  We have seen people turn their situations around and make things better for themselves regardless of what happens in the relationship.  We can help you as you learn tools and strategies to do this and we can support you as you navigate your way through your relationship.

If you had to pick one thing you wanted t start working on, what would it be?  what is the biggest challenge?

[Borderlined]

Thanks for responding.  I am tired. . More like without hope.
One thing? I would want my wide to get help.  Just mentioning BPD sends her through the roof. She says she Googled BPD and that is for crazy people. As in serial killers. I have done a lot longer BPD research and that's news to me.  I do realize I have a part in all this.
She is compassionate, loving strong willed ,pretty giving,lots of good qualities.  But man she gets me nuts. And my life sucks like hers.  Im at a loss.
Not looking for an answer. Just venting. BPD is a evil curse