Boundary setting with husband

[Woodskitty]

Hi- married for 15 years, have been trying to get husband to get some help for his BPD for about 5 years. His response to his triggers are escalating, and I am working on setting boundaries. I let him know I cannot continue in the relationships unless he gets some support, and he has ignored me since that conversation.

How do I hold onto my boundary if he won’t speak to me? I don’t like it when there is conflict so it was hard for me to even bring this up in the first place.

Thank you

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[Harri]

Hi and welcome.

What sort of boundaries are you trying with your husband?  Is one for him to get treatment?

Can you describe how you set the boundary and then try to implement them?  We might be able to help you.  boundaries can be a bit tricky and work best when they govern us and what we will do to protect us.

If you can give us more details we might be able to help.

In the mean time settle in, read and jump into other threads.  We all support each other here.

[livednlearned]

His response to his triggers are escalating

Any thoughts on what might be driving the escalation?

I let him know I cannot continue in the relationships unless he gets some support, and he has ignored me since that conversation.

That's more of an ultimatum (unless you do x, I will do y) which can feel like control. His response appears to be to try and control you back (silent treatment).

How do I hold onto my boundary if he won’t speak to me?

Boundaries work best when they are things we have control over. Since he likely has no boundaries, you will have to put ones in place that work regardless of what he does.

Since he's in silent treatment mode right now, you have a bit of a break to focus on you. Are there things you enjoy doing that fill your cup? Silent treatments can take a lot out of us. It's important that you fill yourself back up when you are being drained by attempts to erase you.