Emotional support during dysregulation?

[Caticorn]

My H is traveling across country tonight to visit for one day with his estranged mother, who is ill and dying.  He became severely dysregulated after the plans were made that I would come with him.  Now he doesn’t want me to go.  I’m struggling with honoring his preference that I not go, and going to try my best to support him.  Also I’m concerned that if I don’t go, he will view it as abandonment later.  If it were me, I would want his support through this. Very conflicted.  Thoughts?  Thanks.

Caticorn

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[Harri]

Hi.

Stress and grief can bring out a lot of poor coping behaviors in people, more so in people with BPD traits.  He could be pushing you away due to feeling over whelmed.  Visiting his estranged sick and dying mother is definitely high stress for anyone.

I think support whether you are with him or not will basically be the same.  A lot of validation, empathetic listening and some self care for you. 

Are you wondering if you should try to convince him to let you accompany him?  When is he leaving?