What do boundaries feel like?

[mutemonkey8]

I ran across a meme the other day that I saved to my phone and keep going back to re-read. I thought I would share it with you all.

What do boundaries feel like?

• It's not my job to fix others.
  It's okay if others get angry.
  It's okay to say no.
  It's not my job to take responsibility for others.
  I don't have to anticipate the needs of others.
  It is my job to make me happy.
  Nobody has to agree with me.
  I have a right to my own feelings.
  I am enough.

I think I keep returning to it because I want to believe it and yet I'm afraid to. I The idea of living according to these seems almost like I'm getting away with something...cheating...or maybe just letting people down somehow.  I have learned to apply some of these with some people or in some situations but not consistently with everyone (i.e., my uBPD mother and enmeshed father).

I'd love to hear other reactions to the meme!

[Kwamina]

Hi mutemonkey8

Thanks for sharing this. That meme contains some solid words of wisdom!

The idea of living according to these seems almost like I'm getting away with something...cheating...or maybe just letting people down somehow.

Why do you think it is that just the idea of living according to these words, makes you feel this way?

Setting and enforcing/defending boundaries is crucial in all area of life. Perhaps people might feel let down by you setting boundaries with them, but how others feel is not something you can control. Boundaries are primarily about us, about us protecting ourselves and preserving our own well-being. If we were not to set and enforce/defend boundaries, it can be argued that we would in fact be letting ourselves down. How do you feel about this?

The Board Parrot

[mutemonkey8]

I don't think I've ever seen the concept of boundaries put in such practical terms before.

If you took the opposite of every statement on that meme, that was my life growing up with my BPD mother and enmeshed/enforcer father. Every day, they told me in one way or another that my job is to make them look good, to be useful, to anticipate and prioritize their needs, to not have feelings of my own, and to not trust my own perceptions of the world. (And they still treat me just like that.) I have only arrived at the concept of boundaries after doing decades of work. First, learning to recognize my feelings, then name them, then own that they are mine and that it's okay to HAVE feelings, then to learn when I am taking on someone else's. Then being able to say no. I'm still working on self-differentiation. I'm also still working on what my personal values are to be able to determine what boundaries are important and why.

Don't get me wrong - I am thrilled at the prospect that I could live my life according to the statements on the meme! It's historical family programming that makes it feel illicit. Boundaries feel like freedom. I'm excited to work towards that!

[LumosNox22]

What do boundaries feel like?
It's not my job to fix others.
It's okay if others get angry.
It's okay to say no.
It's not my job to take responsibility for others.
I don't have to anticipate the needs of others.
It is my job to make me happy.
Nobody has to agree with me.
I have a right to my own feelings.
I am enough.

This is scary for me too. If I do this...then I am a selfish person. That what that makes me feel like. It  makes me feel anxiety that I could turn into an un-caring person.
Also, wouldn't it be freeing...to just live my life by this? If you lived your life like this would this make you a happier more-sound person?

I would like to think so? For me, I would have to crush the evil inside voice.