I’m feeling so sad, I don’t know what to do with myself.

[HopelessBroken]

I was broken up with out of no where when he was intoxicated, five weeks ago. Hung up on and no further contact. This was our 9th recycle in 3.5 years.

For the past 4 months I was supporting him through his training for a fitness competition that occurred last weekend.  I was left before being able to see him on stage. All the workouts together, meal prep, motivating him, supporting him despite the moodiness, limits on what we could do that didn’t include food or drink due to the diet. Bla bla bla.

I’m not on social media so tonight at my girlfriends house we looked up his Facebook page since they are friends. His post on the fitness competition made me sick. He thanked his kids for their support through the training (I was his support) and when I looked at the pictures of him and the comments I felt instantly sick. Numerous women who had commented on his post were all women he had cheated on me with.

As he was “trying to heal the damage” with me over the past five months I had specifically asked him: Are you Facebook friends with anyone who you have slept with. His answer “no.” Clearly a huge lie. These women were commenting all kinds of things. Clearly they communicate and I’m guessing he’s never stopped sleeping with any of them.

In addition, his other posts since walking away out of no where are of him all over town. Doing all these activities and on 5/26 a date. He didn’t skip a beat. Meanwhile, im attending EMDR as I have been recently diagnosed with PTSD due to the abuse and trauma I’ve experienced from him.

I feel so horribly sad tonight. I feel anxious. I feel betrayed. I feel confused. I feel SAD. I stuck in this relationship, I took abuse, I supported, I loved, I trusted, I listened, I’m not perfect but I tried my best. I let him come back again with the request to heal the damage. This resulted in a few months of calm, minimal healing, followed by a rage and disappearing act.

I don’t know where to get the strength to keep going through this pain.  I think I also am struggling as I’ve reached the determination after all this time that there will never be another recycle. Ever. No more good times. No more times. This is also a sad realization.

Thank you all for reading. I’m struggling. No one understands this except you guys.

[Cat Familiar]

You feel betrayed, and with good reason--many of them.   

It's really sad to confront all the lies and to realize that this person was not who you thought he was. You can look back at the last several months and realize that you were a good partner, helping him reach his goal.

How can you take all the support that you were able to give him and turn that around to support yourself? What can you do to be kind to yourself today?

[HopelessBroken]

When I look back, I did a ton of supporting him as there was always an issue of some kind. Money, ex wife, kids, parents, job, sibling, me, dogs, moving...always something I helped with.  I’m really good at helping others but don’t always know how to help myself. I also have lost trust for myself. Trust that I can make good decisions for myself where I won’t get hurt.

I’ve worked out, took the dog for a walk, cooked and done yard work and now I’m sitting outside in the beautiful weather. But...he is constantly on my mind. So much is going through my mind. Does he even think of me? I’m thinking you are wanting me to be more compassionate towards myself.

[DragoN]

Don't write about him.  It is the same thing as feeding the beast. Don't give it a voice. 

Like the story of two wolves. The one you choose to feed is the one that gains strength.

[Perdita]

When I look back, I did a ton of supporting him as there was always an issue of some kind. Money, ex wife, kids, parents, job, sibling, me, dogs, moving...always something I helped with.  I’m really good at helping others but don’t always know how to help myself. I also have lost trust for myself. Trust that I can make good decisions for myself where I won’t get hurt.

I think most or all of us have been sucked in like that.  The constant supporting and putting their needs first.  Always helping them. 
I did this for years and then one day it just really hit me how everything is always about him and when it's not he will somehow always find a way to make it about him again.  Like a spoiled little child never satisfied unless he gets all the attention all of the time.  It happens gradually over a long period of time which is why we don't realize it until we've already given way more than we should have.

I can relate to your frustration about all the time you put into supporting his training.  I gave my SO all the support he needed when he was recovering from an injury.  Totally put my life on hold.  I too saw him on Facebook thanking everyone and their mate, but not one mention about me and the fact that I was the only one that was actually there everyday around the clock nursing him.  That kind of thing does hurt. 

[AskingWhy]

Hopeless, in many ways I understand your pain.  

You gave your all to this R/S, only to be repaid in lies about the other women, and the children thanked for your efforts for helping him in his training.

It is incredibly hurtful to be used in this way.  You think you're doing good deeds that will be greeted with an appreciation, and instead, you are given lies and someone else gets the thanks.

Some time ago, a young woman in our apartment complex had a cancer diagnosis.  She underwent surgery and came back home but was not allowed to work for several weeks.  I bought and gave her several books ($$) on cancer recovery and nutrition, and even made several of these dishes and delivered them to her home over the weeks.  Several months later, the woman arrived on our doorstep beaming and with a card in her hands.  For a split second, I thought it was a thank you card for my caring and generosity.  Instead, she said, "Can you give this to Mr. AskingWhy?"

It turned out to be a sympathy card for my uBPD H whose mother had died a few weeks before.

Some people have no sense of appreciation or a sense of gratitude for kind gestures.  This includes someone going out of his or her way to help.

It is painful to be generous, kind and open hearted and not given thanks for one's help.  

One has to chalk it up to experience and not give to an unappreciative person again.  It's hard to a generous person to do this, but it prevents the pain of ingratitude again.  

Keep up the EMDR and self care and concentrate on yourself now.  You were hurt and insulted, and now it's time to heal and move on.