How do I get help for my 19 year old son when he's legally an adult?

[Scaredofgiants]

My 19 year old son shows all these traits. How do I get him help when he’s legally an adult? Do you just tell them what you think?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hello Scaredofgiants!

Welcome to  bpdfamily, I'm glad you found us

What can you tell us about your son? What behaviors do you struggle with the most? It helps us to know more so we can best advise you. Your story is safe here, among others who are traveling a similar path - you are not alone.

I look forward to getting to know you, Scaredofgiants

Again,

~ OH

[stampingt1]

Welcome Scaredofgiants,

My DS18 was diagnosed w/ BPD traits a few months ago. (However some doctors don't like to make that diagnosis until their twenties, because that is when their brains have stopped growing.) DS was fine w/ the diagnosis because he was tired of the getting the "round around" from doctors for the last year. This week DS is starting a STEPPS program, which meets weekly for 22 weeks. STEPPS stands for Systems Training for Emotional Predictability & Problem Solving.

I have found this site very helpful. Everyone here understands our daily struggles. Getting my own therapist was something that I should have done sooner.

Please tell us more about your son, so we can give you better suggestions.

 
Stampingt1

[livednlearned]

Does your son live with you?

What are some of the behaviors you're trying to cope with at the moment?

[Scaredofgiants]

He is 19 and just completed his first year of college! It was a miracle. May son is known to have high anxiety and severe depression. We took him out of high school his senior year due to cutting and suicidal/ murder rages. His living with us for the summer. He is taking his depression medicine and also self medicates with pot.  I seem to be his main trigger so I try to lay low when he’s on the war path. The other day I started a 24 hr meltdown because I asked him to take his clothes out of the dryer before he left for work. Came home 8 hrs later and punched holes in the garage because he couldn’t stop thinking about that moment all day. He started counseling in college including group, but I don’t know what about.

[livednlearned]

What will happen with the holes punched in the garage walls? Interesting that he chose the garage walls to punch...

Does he threaten you with violence?

How do you go about laying low. That must be challenging when he's living in your home?

[Swimmy55]

Hi Scaredofgiants and welcome!
I see some hope in your story in that he is pursuing betterment of himself by way of college  and he works.
He is on meds and doing therapy, so that is also a positive.  
This is just my inexpert opinion-I think he is punching out the garage walls because maybe in his mind they are technically not part of the home that is lived in.   I only say this because my adult son started out the the same, but in his case refused therapy.

Now onto you - are you doing anything for self care?  You are laying low to avoid conflict and it is to the point where you are afraid to speak to him .   We as parents tend to forget that we are as important as our children and equally as human and we often leave ourselves behind.  We have been so used to putting them first as we are obliged to when they are underage.  It is difficult when they are adult and suffering from mental health issues.  However this is the most important time to remember your child's rights as an adult is the same as your rights as an adult.  In other words, as he has a right to go for  support, so do you. You also have to the right to find ways of coping and even establishing boundaries for the good of everyone in the home.  Please read more on this site on tools.  Many of us also have our own therapists ( I certainly do!) to assist us with boundaries and how to establish and what would be consequences of the boundaries that you can live with.   I also go to  12 Step program called CoDependents anonymous and sometimes al-anon to help  with the concept of keeping our focus on our needs as well.