I found out that he passed away Friday suddenly of heat stroke. Not sure why a flood of emotions keep coming back.
kklblue, I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your BF. We engage in R/S with people and somehow become enmeshed in the dysfunction. We love our partners--at least love the side of themselves they present to us--but we are then exposed to the Hyde part of their personalities. The hard part is accepting this. Sometimes we have to move on.
Remember the good times, but also remember why you went NC. This will keep things in perspective.