I was a victim of a distortion campaign from my BPD co-worker/friend/GF

[IPIALY]

Two years ago I met a girl at work, I talked to her one day and then the next day a friend told me she was asking about me wanting to know what my situation was. We talked more and more she asked me what I was looking for in a women and changed to fit what I had said. (I found it strange and in all honesty, she was beautiful to me the day I met her). We kept talking more and more going out for food and drinks she started calling me her best friend and even called me her boyfriend and herself my girlfriend but when I said, hey I thought you said you didn't like me like that, she got mad and said, I don't like you like that. We went to a concert together, we agreed just as friends, I picked her up and she said, "This is not a date", I said, "I know, that's what we agreed to". While at the show she posted on social media, "I've come a long way, on a date with a freckled faced white boy". I brought it up to her several days after the concert after a friend told me about the post, she said that she didn't post anything like that. Friend showed post to me. After a few drinks, I wanted to make sure that I let her know how I felt about her so I told her that I loved her. She got super mad and said not to talk to her, so I stopped. Fast forward a week or so, she kept looking at me and getting in my way at work, trying to get me to say something. Six weeks went by before I finally said something to her. She got the biggest smile you have ever seen and starting talking my ear off and told me "Don't ever stop talking to me like that again!" We got closer again, (some stuff happened that I will leave out to keep it clean). She then said, "If we ever are going to be able to be together, first I have to pay you back for what you did to me". I treated her very nicely by everyone else around us standards. I was confused. She then told me not to talk to her for 6 weeks, then she said, well, make it a month, well actually smile at me after a few weeks so I know you are still interested. So I did what she asked. By this point the supervisor was saying, you should stay away from her, shes up to no good. She claims you are harassing her. I hadn't talked to her for 6 weeks again, and only talked to her when she said to talk to her. Again, I was confused. She kept trying to talk to me and asking me to perform certain acts on her (which I did not). I kept to myself and after a few months the supervisor tells me that she has filed a harassment case against me. The whole time going thru this she is still trying to talk to me, following me around, butting in to my conversations, trying anything to get me to pay any kind of attention to her. She took me to court by falsely filing for a PPO. To which the judge said our place of employment should have done a better job handling and not letting things get to that point. Judge threw it out as she contradicted herself on the first question and then said either, "I don't recall" or "That didn't happen" to all the things we had evidence for. Few days after the court date, she came by me and tried talking to me and saying things like, "My best friend says this and this", all things that I said to her, and you could take a million other people and never get the same two or three things. We were told not to talk unless it was work related. The harassment deal comes to an end and now she is still coming by me and trying to get me to talk to her. I found out that she has BPD and it made things make more sense after reading Stop Walking On Eggshells and several other books. I still love her and accept her as she is. I would love to talk to her and make sure she knows I am still there for her, whether that is as a coworker, a friend, a best friend, a boyfriend or husband. That's a very loose and rough cut of my introduction to BPD. Any thoughts, Tips or Suggestions?

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[No-One]

Hi IPIALY:
Welcome!

By this point the supervisor was saying, you should stay away from her, shes up to no good. She claims you are harassing her. I hadn't talked to her for 6 weeks again, and only talked to her when she said to talk to her. Again, I was confused. She kept trying to talk to me and asking me to perform certain acts on her (which I did not). I kept to myself and after a few months the supervisor tells me that she has filed a harassment case against me.

I think your supervisor gave you good advice.  Why would you want to pursue a relationship with someone who accused you of harassment in the work place and then took you to court, trying to file a PPO?

Chances are good that she will repeat the same behavior.  You might not fair as well the next time she accuses you of harassment at work or takes you to court.  You could lose your job and have to spend money on legal fees.  I'm thinking it could be a challenge to get a new job, if you get fired for harassment.  The next time, you might not have a sympathetic supervisor. There can be a tendency to take the woman's side.

In general, it's not a good idea to date people where you work.  It's doubly bad if the person you are dating has mental health issues.

Perhaps it's best for you to just be polite, when you have to interact with her for work purposes, but stay away from further interaction and flirting.

What is drawing you to want a relationship with her?  Is it the drama? The thrill of the pursuit? The push/pull game she plays?  You can't fix her.

You might want to consider some counseling for yourself to explore why you are drawn to an unhealthy relationship. A mentally healthy person would look at the false accusations and rationalize that if they continued to pursue a relationship, they are heading for more trouble (court costs, lawyer fees, job loss, etc.)
 

[IPIALY]

No-one,

Thank you for your input. There is a lot more to our story than I had space for. some  of her actions are not considered appropriate by anyone's standards, sexually harassing me specifically, yet the place where we work allowed it and continues to allow it. Management not holding her responsible for her actions does not help her grow and continues to hurt the work environment for all of those around her. She was offered early transfers to other offices but turned them down. She tried to "make things right" with me. Truth is she never had to. I accept her for who she is and all that comes with it. I've done my research, lots of reading and talking to professionals about this situation. I have gotten my part where it needs to be and I will always be there for her in what ever capacity she wants that to be. I don't turn my back on people, that's just not how I was raised.

[No-One]

I don't turn my back on people, that's just not how I was raised.

You sound like you are a "rescuer".  To a certain degree that can be good.  Taken to the extreme, it is unhealthy.  You can't fix other people.  If you don't set and enforce personal boundaries (that you personally set, have control over and enforce), you will have a rocky road ahead of you. "Rescuers" are people pleasers.  Usually, they were raised by critical parents.

How were things with your parents growing up?  Any mental health issues or substance abuse?