What helped you let go of false hope?

[lonely38]

I think there is some truth to that.  My bpd husband says things to others that are out of proportion with the current environment or topic.  He can charm the pants off the waitress and then sitting across the table with me be his rude self.  He wants and needs to be liked but has no awareness of what a healthy person does that gives them true relationship.

I have noticed since retirement my husband is on linkedin a lot.  I am guessing he needs some kind of social outlet that is not too close.  He has even offered on linked in to help people get jobs?  Yes, he has talent in this area, but he does this to get a pat on the back or some kind of appreciation. 

Also, my husband has fewer and fewer real friends these days.  So he is texting people from high school and college that he never sees.  He has always been fixated on staying in touch with high school friends, especially, which seems odd to me.  He reaches out to them.  They do not reach out to him.

It is a false sense of self, an act of desperation for some kind of relationship.

[COLB]

Cat,
 

sense of too much intimacy, too much disclosure, too many compliments, all way over the top

My BPDw has self esteem/abandonment issues and to counter that in the last year following an outburst in the good times there is an over the top level of compliments and drive for intimacy with the children and I.  I am struggling to deal with it because is so unreal/fake/forced. 

Its funny she absolutely tears me apart one minute and then smothers me the next.

B

[once removed]

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