Copy cat Twin Brother

[Our abuse recovery guide]

This might sound trivial when compared to some of the problems here but here goes. My twin brother copies everything I do. If I get my hair cut does too, in the same style, if I buy a hat, he would buy one the same, the same for facial hair, clothes, sports shoes, you name it. At high school he got his friends to bully me, he slept with both my ex-girlfriends and girls I was interested in. On more than one occasion he wormed his way into my social groups and then organized partys but did not invite me. When we were at college he got drunk and made fun of lots of people, they all thought it was me and I lost a lot of friends.
We are now in the same line of work (again I went to college first to train) he steals my ideas and contacts - I don't know for certain but I think I have been getting less work because he has poisoned some of those contacts against me. For a long time, I thought I was imagining things but it is getting more and more obvious and it is driving me mad. If I challenge him about it he claims I am jealous of him or paranoid.

And the worse thing is I do feel paranoid. I feel like I am the one at fault somehow, that perhaps I am mad, or perhaps I am too sensitive and criticize him too much.  I tried to tell my parents but he had already convinced them I was the one at fault and I had an 'anger problem'. They say we are both as bad as each other but deep down I think I know that isn't true. He's made me feel alone and very upset.

[Baci]

This might sound trivial when compared to some of the problems here but here goes. My twin brother copies everything I do. If I get my hair cut does too, in the same style, if I buy a hat, he would buy one the same, the same for facial hair, clothes, sports shoes, you name it. At high school he got his friends to bully me, he slept with both my ex-girlfriends and girls I was interested in. On more than one occasion he wormed his way into my social groups and then organized partys but did not invite me. When we were at college he got drunk and made fun of lots of people, they all thought it was me and I lost a lot of friends.
We are now in the same line of work (again I went to college first to train) he steals my ideas and contacts - I don't know for certain but I think I have been getting less work because he has poisoned some of those contacts against me. For a long time, I thought I was imagining things but it is getting more and more obvious and it is driving me mad. If I challenge him about it he claims I am jealous of him or paranoid.

And the worse thing is I do feel paranoid. I feel like I am the one at fault somehow, that perhaps I am mad, or perhaps I am too sensitive and criticize him too much.  I tried to tell my parents but he had already convinced them I was the one at fault and I had an 'anger problem'. They say we are both as bad as each other but deep down I think I know that isn't true. He's made me feel alone and very upset.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome.

I can see why those behaviors of your brother are so bothersome to you. 

Do you live and work in the same place?  I am wondering how he gets information especially regarding work stuff? 

I tried to tell my parents but he had already convinced them I was the one at fault and I had an 'anger problem'.

Can you elaborate here? 

[GaGrl]

Actually, you aren't the first to bring up copying/imitation as a behavior of your pwBPD. I would certainly find that irritating.

People with BPD have little sense of self, so this could be an attempt to define themselves.

What do your conversations with your twin look like?

Do you live -- and work -- together?

I am curious as to how much separation you have from your twin.

[Baci]

We don't work together anymore but have done. These days, we don't have that much communication - it's pretty toxic when we do.

He gets info in one of two ways - he mines my parents or mutual friends for info on what I am doing. 
We both also have websites and social media accounts - I have noticed if something goes up on my site it's a matter of weeks before a version of the same thing goes up on his.  Social media encourages sharing to promote and gain work, we both work in a creative industry which, by its nature, is public.  I am cautious about what I share, keeping a lot back which may be having a detrimental effect on my work (although that is perhaps a discussion for elsewhere)

[Baci]

Sorry, should have said hi! It's still all pretty raw right now - thanks for your replies. I realize I haven't fully answered your questions. So to answer the question about anger - it comes about if I question what he does to me.

For example, I introduced him to carp fishing, it was something I did to get away from the stresses of modern life. I taught him how to cast, lay bait, the whole thing. We got along well back then, out in the open air. Then after a while, we both began to teach together as a sideline, it can be quite lucrative. I moved from the same area as him and the next thing I know he is teaching on his own in the spots I took him to and, what is more, he said it was now his spot and I couldn't teach there anymore, not on my own or with him - if I did he would disown me. I couldn't believe it, I called him up but it was like talking to a brick wall.
Then a few years later he set up an organization for those teaching carp fishing, a lot of my old friends from the area joined. One of them went along to a meeting and later told me about it and asked why I wasn't there. It had been going for nearly three years and he hadn't told me about it!
He gave excuse after excuse of why he didn't invite me but all of them contradicted each other. He told my mother in private that it was because he felt I was the more talented fisherman and didn't want me around to overshadow him. After a very long and strange talk, he did finally admit this to me. I told him it hurt that he didn't invite me and he agreed it was a crummy thing to do. Two months later he organizes a social with all our oldest friends and again doesn't invite me to it. I know there is no law to saw he should but it felt like a blow. I got mad with him, I thought our chat and his revealing something like that had brought us close again (this was before I realized he was a vulnerable narcissist)  and then he told my parents I have an anger problem.

There is a strange mix in him. He is larger than life, very charming, funny but he has a need to constantly re-invent himself, make new personas each time he doesn't quite get what he wants. Then behind all that is a very vulnerable part, the part that always used to get me looking after him or making amends for him when he had got drunk and annoyed people.

 He also changes the past to suit him. He now tells people he started fishing two years before I did rather than tell anyone I introduced him to it. He tells stories about how he found all the spots I introduced him to and if I try and explain what really happened he tells me I am jealous of him.