Back to the misery and violence

[2020]

I am well and truly back in the cycle of misery. Around two days ago my partner drank and smashed the phone in the bedroom among other things. She attacked me then finally fell asleep under a desk in the room. The next day she apologised, which is rare. She said she is a   when she drinks and needs to stop it. I accepted her apology and we got back to working on our online business venture.

Yesterday we were working together when I left the room to go to the kitchen. My Autistic son comes out his room and tells me about a Payapal problem he is having. He didn't understand and was getting quite upset so I suggested we go outside and talk about it. Five minutes later I returned to the room and my partner was gone.

An hour later she returned and had been drinking. She was being rude and nasty. When I turned my back she had gone again. So I went to go to the shop for milk. I saw her on the corner of our street walking away. I made my kids wait in the car and went and told her where I was going. She was sarcastic, but when I returned home, she was here in the bedroom working.

She walked off again and was gone for a few hours. When she returned she was very drunk and violent. She yelled at me. I told her she needed to stop drinking and suggested she go to bed. She wouldn't listen. She wanted to go to the hospital. Last time she did that she caused a lot of trouble. After she hit me on the head I took her to the hospital. I tried to reason with her... Have something to eat and go to bed and we will sort this out in the morning. She punched me on the wrist so I said, "OK.  I am taking you to the hospital. I will not be waiting hours there with you and restraining you and apologising for your abuse at the staff there. YOU will be going there by yourself." I drove to the hospital and she left the car slamming the door.

Two hours later she returns home. She has a hospital blanket over her head like that evil emperor in Star Wars. She is banging on the bedroom window. I let her in on the condition she is not violent. She goes to bed. She wakes up an hour later and says she is hungry so I bring her some soup, but she doesn't want it. She goes back to sleep. At about 2am she wakes up screaming at me " OFF!   OFF!"  I tell her she needs to stop that, but she just keeps screaming. Then she picks up the now cold soup and throws it at the wall. I tell her that this is unacceptable. She picks up a full carton of soy milk and showers me with it. I yell at her, swear at her, and she punches me in the face. She gets a can of oil and sprays me with it. I wrestle it out of her hands.

By this point my son is yelling for her to leave. I tell her she has to go. She cannot be her when she is drunk or violent. She starts throwing all of her stuff out of the bedroom window. I tell her she has to go now. She exits via the front door screaming and I slam it behind her...

Then I feel this huge sense of guilt. It is a freezing cold night where we live. She has nowhere close to go to. She is mentally unwell and upset. She is drunk. After a few minutes I get a torch to go and look for her. There she is coming back for her cigarette lighter. She yells, "We are over!" I tell her I can see she is upset but she just tells me to   off! As she is leaving I suggest to her we talk about what is going on for her, perhaps in the morning. She turns around and kicks me in the balls.

And so that is the last I have seen of her. I went to the hospital at 6.30am and all they could tell me was a woman arrived there last night, asked for a blanket and left, and that she hadn't returned. I drove to her Son's house 20 minutes away but he has not seen her. I spoke to him for some time about this and he gets it. It is very difficult when she is in such a bad way.

I went to the mental health unit but she has not presented there yet. She may have rang her sister from a phone box at 2.30am and got her to rescue her. Her sister does not talk to me or her son.

So the crap is back. Not just the daily sneaking around on eggshells crap, the CRAP crap. I am predicting she will end up in hospital and the cycle will happen again...

I am just writing all of this to get it out there and maybe it will sound familiar to some of you too. I am finding it hard to continue like this. When we make progress with anything, it gets thrown to the wind. She was seeing her doctor weekly, was medicated, and was pleasant enough to be around... but now this is back. It will be a VERY difficult week or so. Thanks for listening.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[I Am Redeemed]

I'm so sorry, 2020. That sounds very traumatic and exhausting for you and your son  

What will you do if she turns up asking to come back? Or back in the hospital? It sounds like she follows up with treatment for a while, then abandons it completely and loses all progress and control. Has she been seeing a T?

Have you ever considered calling the police when she becomes violent and physically assaults you?

[Scarlet Phoenix]

I am listening.

I'm so sorry things have gotten so bad. Please update us when you can.
Do you have anyone you can lean on in your life?

[2020]

Thank you both of you for your replies. I really appreciate the support and advice.

I managed to get about three hours sleep which has been good, but it all comes flooding back as soon as I wake up. I drove to her Son's house and he was there. I told him what had happened and he understood. He was telling me that she used to fight with him and smash things and punch him. He said he broke her collar bone when he was thirteen because she kept punching him in the face and wouldn't stop. And this is what happened last night. She hit me and hit me and hit me in the head and eventually I snapped and hit her back. I wrestled her to the bed and yelled, "You will never treat me like this again! I am not a piece of  , I am a human being!" that is when she threw food everywhere and started really smashing up the place.

She has emailed her son a few hours ago and told him she has left me and spent a cold night alone at a fuel station but now is in the city her sister lives at... I am guessing her sister picked her up. I have had no emails from her. It sounds like she wants me gone from her life permanently. It is so hard to get my head around this. We have just a week ago set up this online store and got our first order. Yesterday she took me to the dentist and was supportive of me as I was scared. Then we had coffee and started work. It was when I went outside to talk to my son, for literally five minutes, that she disappeared and drank. And it has all gone to crap...

I would hazard a guess that she will be drinking at her sister's place. In a day or two I will receive a rude email late at night when she is drunk. This will go on for maybe a week. She will then tell her sister she wants to die and her sister will take her to the mental health unit. What will happen is there will be a repeat of six months ago. Hopefully this time she will get the care she needs, the medication she needs, the counselling and therapy she needs.

I am sorry, but she cannot come here. I am so worn down. I have tried so hard. What I have been doing (ie shielding her from consequences of her own actions), has not helped her. I am not perfect myself, but she has had things so good. I have bent over backwards and treated her like a princess for so long.

My support is basically, my two sons and my Sister. I spoke to my Sister tonight and in an email she said this is an abusive relationship and I need to give her a wide berth and move on. It is really difficult, but I can't be treated like this anymore. As for going to the police, you are not the first to suggest this. The mental health staff I saw this morning suggested the same thing. The other night when she smashed the telephone I said I was going to get the police and drove off, but I returned as I could not bring myself to inflict any more crap in her life.

Tonight I am trying to work. I feel I have to keep this business thing going now that it has started. Only a week ago I expressed to my partner that I had some reservations that we are stable enough to be reliable to run a business. She accused me of being negative and not being commited to her. So here I am tonight working on this business. It isn't even my field, it is hers. But she isn't here and somebody has to be the adult in this relationship! I said only a few days ago that we need to agree that if one of us is unwell for whatever reason, then the other partner needs to keep things going, get orders shipped out.

Seriously, this is a nightmare. I don't know if we will ever be able to repair this. Maybe it is another huge cycle? She has nobody in her life really. But she cannot keep abusing me and my kids... and her son and his partner.

Thank you for listening. I will try hard to remain busy.

PS. No, she hasn't been seing a therapist other than going to see mine a few weeks ago! I would do anything for her, even hand over my own therapist. It is sad really.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

 
I'm so sorry for the pain and hurt you're going through.

It sounds like this was the drop that made it flow over. Violence on both sides is not good and I'm glad you're coming here to seek help.

I would hazard a guess that she will be drinking at her sister's place. (...) She will then tell her sister she wants to die and her sister will take her to the mental health unit. (...) I am sorry, but she cannot come here.

I agree with you on that. Letting her come back with no treatment or work to better herself would most likely lead to back to the same violent situation. For now you have some time and space to recuperate and calm down. What is the situation with your living arrangements, do you own a place together? Who pays the rent? Just trying to get more of a grasp on the situation.

Scarlet

[Scarlet Phoenix]

I also want to add, have you reached out to a domestic violence hotline? Just for information gathering and to talk, no commitments to do anything. You've been through a lot.

[Red5]

Good Morning from the eastern seaboard of the “Colonies” 2020!

Man… again : (

I know what you mean, and I understand what you’re going through Brother… my “T” told me a few weeks ago, as I was excavating the relationship (eleven years) with my wife (2nd wife)… you know my story well 2020… my “T” says to me… “Red, borderlines destroy everything, sooner or later… everything”…

Now we all know, and we must have to consider the spectrum, left to right, traits of verses “malignant”… waif-hermit-queen-witch… and when one will appear within the other… I’ve always thought my ubpdw is a strong hermit, with queen tendencies…

As I read you’re thread, and as well reflect on many of you're other threads… I see the patterns, the cycles… and I make mental parallels in my own marriage… we have been separated almost seven months now.

I too have gone trough the “FOG”, the guilt, the ”what-ifs”… ruminating, cognitive dissonance… on and on and on.

It’s a crazy train Brother, that seems to go past the same haunted train station over and over again… a looper, it’s like Bill Murray in the old movie “Groundhog Day”… or else some long lost episode of the twilight zone.

We both have a special needs Son, living with us permanently… and both of our Son’s became targets of our partners… in both our stories, physical abuse, as well as emotional, mental… seems... each and every time, just as we got the relationship back from an extreme list to starboard, or port… almost capsizing and sinking beneath the murky waters of borderline, paranoia, and mental; emotional psychopathy, no sooner than we got everything patched up, ship shape (?)… somewhat squared away, battle damage cleared away from the mess decks, and gallery decks… and we were once again (pattern) underway again… the gremlins in the engine room set out to sabotage yet again (metaphorically)… over and over this happens, in my case years and years of this… talk about “ptsd” : (

2020… you and I both have written volumes, columns, paragraphs… H3LL, friggen term papers on this site about our dysfunctional relationships… wow ; (

Just know Brother you aren’t alone… on this path, although separated by the vast Atlantic Ocean, we are still walking the same path… same journey, as are many souls here…

We all have our procedures, how we act, what we do… when our beloved ones “checkout” on us… many of us here, years, decades… of “operational experience”… somewhere along the path, we went looking for answers, now we are here, on this website, sharing, listening, and offering advice… we all know in our hearts what we “need” to do, what our “gut instinct” is telling us to do, even as our heart, and our (emotional) mind grapples with one another, and tries to override the gut, (cognitive dissonance -FOG-) the instinctual desire to make the perceived right choice… and you and I, are also cast into the “lot”… the lot in life of a caregiver, not only for our autistic Sons, but also our beloved ones, our PW/BPD : (

We both have hard choices to make… and they aren’t easy ones to make either…

Hang in there 2020, keep your head about you… “steady as she goes, all ahead slow” my Brother,

Keep posting, we are all listening, and supporting you, we all feel your emotional pain, you’re frustration, and your desire to survive in this,

Kind Regards, Red5

[2020]

Firstly, thank you for the replies. This is a very difficult thing to deal with. I will try and go through the various questions.

Scarlet:

No, violence on ANY side is not good or acceptable. I never resort to that and I feel bad that last night I was getting such a pounding that I hit back. It is very regretable. I have not phoned a domestic violence line. My entire life is littered with violence. My Dad, my ex, and my current relationship. It is like I seek out violent people to gain approval, to try hard to be loved only to never reach the bar. I am going to have to look hard at this. I do have a great therapist who initially planted the seed in my head that this may be BPD.

No we do not own a house together. I pay all of the rent. She contributes very little to be honest. She does not cook or drive. She pays no bills. She receives a Disability allowance which she spends on online whims every fortnight and spends the rest on cigarettes and alcohol. She cannot save money or does not. As a result of looking after her and my two sons, I have very little resources to play with. I do not smoke or drink, I live from carers payment to payment. There is no money left. It is a tragedy really. I am told I am a talented illustrator but I am so beaten down and without confidence, and I have gone from living with an abusive Dad to an abusive partner since the age of 22. And now I am in this very messy and   up quagmire. I feel like crap to be honest.

Red:

I am grateful for your ongoing 'thesis'  . I am usually confined to the house with her in the room with me so it can be difficult to post on here, but I do sneak a read when I can. The past two weeks have been sliding. I get a very occasional sense she can tolerate me, but the rest of the time I feel like she doesn't like me much at all. We have been sleeping in the same bed and I cuddle up to her but as a whole she is unresponsive or ignores me at one end, or goes all rigor mortis at the other extreme. She hates my Autistic son. He blocked the toilet a couple of weeks ago and she has been p!ssing in a bucket and throwing it off the deck since! I   you not.

Yep that train has pulled into Dysregulation Central, final destination unknown. She fluctuates between who she paints white. She runs between me, her son, and her sister, or the mental health unit. Like I said, it is sad, just plain sad. She is a highly intelligent woman; well read and adaptable across the board. I don't know how this will unfold. Maybe it is the end? Somehow I think there are more chapters...

Happy Groundhog Day! ...not

[Scarlet Phoenix]

It's good news that you pay the rent, that means that you can stay there no matter what she does. Am I understanding that right?

I think that it's really important that you have some time to yourself to recuperate and recharge. What can you do to help yourself? It can be anything, really. Writing here, talking with friends, sitting at a café, running, listening to music ...

The best you can do is probably to let go a little bit of the thoughts of her, and to think of yourself right now. To be just you at home, working on you and healing you. The other night no one got seriously hurt or arrested, but please don't take any risks of this happening again in the near future. This is hard stuff.   Does that sound like something you can do?

[2020]

Yes I do pay the rent. I have always paid the rent. She has never been on a lease, even at the home I rented two years ago. She tells people she is homeless. I have tried to explain what homelessness actually is but because she has her belongings packed up in cardboard boxes, and I live here with my sons whilst her son moved out three years ago, she is homeless. We went to Paris last year... there we saw homeless. You know how they exaggerate... She calls this place a dump, an old mens boarding house, a submarine (because she is confined to the bedroom). Nothing I do is good enough.

What can I do for myself? That is a difficult question. Do 'caretakers' ever do anything for themselves? I have always been doing stuff for other people, even if they never asked for it. It will be hard to turn my efforts on myself.

There is at least a month worth of urgent work to be done on the business idea we were working on. Even though it should be on hold now, it can't be really. I have loads of work to do. Yes, I'll be doing something we both should be doing, but she just isn't able to or capable at the moment. Also, I don't want her calling the shots. She has controlled this house for way too long. I went and spoke to my 18 year old about how Paypal works, and now this has happened. Just because she is acting like this, doesn't mean the world stops.

Nobody has been seriously hurt in the sense that nobody is bleeding to death or has broken bones etc. We are both hurting though. No, I should have not hit her. I feel a great deal of shame and regret over that. I have no excuse. It is not the person I want to be.

Six months ago she was away in a mental health hospital and I did not know where she was. I was on the verge of a major breakdown. When I found out where she was I tried to make contact. I was advised here on the forum to give her time but I couldn't last out and sent emails. This time I need to do things differently. She has left her laptop here and I can see she has not been online where she is for a while. I think that she may be back where she was at six months ago, in hospital. This is a major melt down. She jumped off her medication and she drank and now it has come to a head. I don't think I will be hearing from her for a while. She needs to sort some things out, and importantly, so do I. I don't want to dwell on whether this is really the end or not. I am seeing all the bad stuff about the relationship at present. But then I see her clothes, her coffee mug, and I feel sad. This should not have ended up like this. Yes, I would give things another go, but she needs to make some changes too. Right now I doubt she would want anything to do with me, or my 'abusive family' as she puts it.

Just rambling a bit...

[Scarlet Phoenix]

That's okay, ramble away. You are hurting.
There's two things that comes to mind when I read your post. The first is with regards two what she says about you, your home etc. I know it's hurtful, but it's not the truth. It's just her opinion, which comes from a place of emotional dysregulation. You know that you do a lot, more than enough, and that your place is nice and that she isn't homeless. Can you try to separate what she says from what is true? She feels bad, she dysregulates and she expresses it in an unhealthy way. But if she said for example that she hates living with a unicorn and two pandas, you would think "hu? well, that's not true" and you would see that it's not really an attack on who you are. The example is a bit silly, but do you see where I'm trying to go with this?

The other is your struggle with self care. Slowly getting to a place where you take care of yourself, too,  not just others, will improve your life so much. For me, it helped to work on boundaries. It was sort of a revelation that I actually could have boundaries, that it was not only allowed, but healthy. Remember that you are worth it. You matter.

I also commend you for coming forward and owing your part. When we are truly transparent and own our part fully, that's where growth and change can begin.

[2020]

Hello Scarlet Phoenix,

The home could be nicer. The reality is that she quickly rearranged everything when she moved in five years ago. My son used to like to play and wrestle and sit on my head. That was 'inappropriate' so it stopped. I had to stop cooking meals, because I was 'enabling' my adult children by doing so. It has got to the point where I have to tell her beforehand that I am going to interact with my children. And then I get the death stare. It has become quite bad. We all eat in our bedrooms. The rest of the house does not get used. It is no way to live, yet she complains about it as if it is something I created.

So yesterday I sent her an email; two sentences. I told her I just want to apologise for my part in the violence. And I am sorry for the hurt. I received a response and it was quite a regretful apology. She doesn't usually do that. Then there was a lot of emails about what a trgedy it is that we cannot be together. A bit of blame (on me) for letting my kids come between us... and a sarcastic, "I wish you happiness and hope you live a fulfilling existence with the time you have left on this planet. Love to you from me".

Must have been about 20 emails. The overall tone was one of regret and sadness. I am finding it difficult to figure her out. She did not swear at me once!  There is a fair amount of doom and gloom thrown into the mix. Stuff about the online store we set up a week ago and how it is now MY store. She admitted to pulling all of our listed items down because she was "drunk, angry and felt hurt". She sounded sorry about that too. Took me five hours to fix up that, something she should have done!

I have had one email from her today which I replied to. I suggested that we meet up at some point and have a talk. I have not heard back yet.

My sister seems to think I need to give her a wide berth and just leave the country and go back to England. She is sick of hearing about it. It has gone on for years. She sent me a prediction of Week 1, Week 2 etc... It is both funny and tragic. I might just try and have a quite day today and read some things here.

Currently experiencing some calm in the eye of the storm.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Enjoy the calm 

A lot has happened, there is hurt on both sides. You are now back in communication.

I think it would be a good move to post a separate thread on using the communication techniques we learn here (SET or DEARman) for whenever you want to write to her than about other things than logistics/practical matters. For now I get the impression that the email communication went fairly well. Working on SET for example, is always valuable though.

Where is she now? Is there a chance you can meet up?

What makes you think she was sarcastic?

[2020]

Thank you for your reply.

Things are going all pear shaped this evening. She stopped communicating this afternoon after she sent me this email:

 have no plans... I have nothing... I do not even have a change of underwear nor my medication, glasses or toothbrush
I am 
And i belong nowhere.
I am just waiting to be paid so I can put a roof over my head, change my undies and clean my teeth.
Enjoy your coffee.

So I responded by asking if I could help in some way. Her reply was:

NO THANK YOU.
THIS IS WERE i STAND ON MY OWN TWO FEET.
SORRY CAN NOT TYPE, EMAILING HERE IS LIKE TRYING TO HAVE A SEX LIFE AT YOUR HOME.

So I left it at that. Three hours passed. Then about two and a half hours ago I get this email:

I HAVE HAD MONEY STOLEN FROM ME NOW MY CIGARETTES HAVE DISAPPEARED WITH [her neice]  AND [her sister] LEAVING
SO I AM STARTING TO HITCH IN TEN MINUTES IF YOU DO NOT ANSWER
THIS IS WORSE THAN CHAINSAW MASSACRE

OK...? So I responded... Trying to validate or at least not argue here:

That is  . Really bad. Look, if you see this and can email me back, I will come and see you. Hope you are ok...

Then this from her a few seconds later:

I CANNOT TRUST ANYONE

Sound familiar?  I replied:

I will try and help you. Just respond and I will come up.

But her last reply was:

I AM LEAVING NOW HEADING SOUTH ON THE HIGHWAY
SERIOUSLY THIS IS MY FINAL EMAIL.

I did reply asking for a specific point I could meet her, but no response. She has not seen the email as she has her own laptop here with emails open on it.

So here is the thing... I am now worried about her. I don't know if her claims about the stolen money are true. I can tell she is upset. The thing is it is a long drive, about two and a half hours to where she is. Then what if I don't find her? What if she is sitting on the road now waiting like she used to as a little girl on the farm gate waiting for her mother to arrive? What if she is drinking and lays down in the road again and dies? She may have just gone to bed. Such is the insanity and unpredictability of this condition.

So I have not driven up there. I am going to stay here. The way I see this is it is insane for me to go looking and maybe not finding her. Then I'd go to her sisters place and get a hostile reception. Even if she was there her sister may lie to me. I think the best thing is to just do nothing. It isn't easy. I am worried but the game has to stop. This is why things are so bad. I have protected her from the consequences of poor decision making.

Am I doing this right?

[Scarlet Phoenix]

So I have not driven up there. I am going to stay here. The way I see this is it is insane for me to go looking and maybe not finding her. Then I'd go to her sisters place and get a hostile reception. Even if she was there her sister may lie to me. I think the best thing is to just do nothing. It isn't easy. I am worried but the game has to stop. This is why things are so bad. I have protected her from the consequences of poor decision making.

This is spot on.
She must be allowed to help herself. It's heartbreaking and so scary when a loved one spins out of control like that. But the hard truth is that you need to step back and let her save herself.

Another aspect is that is was really volatile between you lately. Going to see her now will not make this better. It will spin again to where you were before. The best you can do is work on your part and let her work on hers.

[Enabler]

If you were in her shoes. What would you do? What is the worst thing you could imagine you having to do to get by? Go to the police station, go to a hospital, email you back and say I need help? All these options are and have been open to her yet she is refusing to help herself. You have extended the hand of help and she's refused it.

In a weird way, you have to respect her enough to let her do what she's going to do.

Enabler

[Red5]

I am worried but the game has to stop. This is why things are so bad. I have protected her from the consequences of poor decision making.

Am I doing this right?

You are doing things right 2020, there comes a time that we “caregivers” have to let them to “their own consequence”... it’s not easy to do... but as the drama (endless) takes us over, we have to do this eventually.

Keep Posting, Kind Regards Red5

[2020]

I really thank you all for the swift replies. Things have become so bad. It is dark here and it is raining. I guess she will have to figure this out. I can't keep running after her. She needs to learn some things. And no, I would not be hitching in the dark on that highway tonight. All she had to say was "Can you please pick me up. I could wait ________". But she didn't It wasn't 'operatic' enough for her. She drives me insane with this stuff. I'll just leave her to her own devices. I can't believe I am doing that.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

You are the rescuer type (many of us are, me included), so it's hard for you to do nothing. You feel responsible for things that are not for you to fix.
True?

This is from your post further up:

I replied:
I will try and help you. Just respond and I will come up.
But her last reply was:
I AM LEAVING NOW HEADING SOUTH ON THE HIGHWAY
SERIOUSLY THIS IS MY FINAL EMAIL.

Do you see what she's doing?

 

[2020]

No Scarlet. I am not sure I do see it. What is going on?

[Scarlet Phoenix]

She's being very dramatic with the ALL CAPS and the "seriously" and "this is my final email". This is not the respons of a person who is open to help. This is the respons of a person in a hightened emotional state who wants to rage and rant and make it your fault and have the upper hand.  She probably understands that this will make you anxious and your usual respons is to chase after her. Or at least be available for her when she comes back/calms down.
I don't mean that she's doing is on purpose, but it seems to me that this is the underlying dynamic. What do you think?

[Enabler]

The feeling of controlling you or having power over you or having control and power over something feeds something inside of her. Maybe she feels this as love, I don't know. I often feel that my own W see's pity as love. Pity is not love. If you pity her and come chasing after her to rescue her, yes it illustrates you care about her welfare, but it's not love... it's not love when a counsellor talks a suicidal person off the edge of a bridge is it.

She will do everything to gain control over you, yet she wont do anything to gain control over herself.

Pity is not love.

[2020]

Thank you both for the wisdom. The quick update is, she is back here... and yes, I am being blamed for it all. Trying to validate but it is difficult. I will update either here or in a new thread when she is not in the room.

I have to say, I am SO GLAD this site exists!

[Enabler]

Okay, apart from all the usual questions such as 'what do you feel about her being back?' and 'what happened, did you go and rescue her in the end?'... when the dust settles, what did you learn from that experience? If you didn't go and find her as you said, yet she still came back, what did that tell you?

Metaphorically speaking her blaming you, is just like her running away, mentally she's running away from you. When you stand still and do nothing and don't validate that at all... who knows, does she change her mind about who's to blame?

Enabler

[Scarlet Phoenix]

I will update either here or in a new thread when she is not in the room.
I have to say, I am SO GLAD this site exists!

We're all here supporting you!
Please update when you can. Maybe start a new thread?

Think of logging off and closing your browser if she is likely to use your computer.

[Red5]

...she is back here... and yes, I am being blamed for it all.

*Trying to validate but it is difficult.

I am very glad she is back Brother!, and safe    I know you worry when she is aloof like that… hang in there!

We got your "six" !

Red5

[Harri]

Hi.  You might want to read through a workshop we have here on Domestic Violence [for men]]
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=87480.0;all]Domestic Violence [for men]

Stopping the physical violence has to come first. If that can happen the rest can follow.

See what you think of the workshop and keep posting.  As yu can see, we will all help you.

[Harri]

This thread reached the post limit and has been locked and split.  Part 2 is here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=337496.msg13059867#msg13059867