BPD vs Narcissist

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi there.

This my very 1st post, and not too sure on how or what I should post.  All I know is that my stepchildren are being bad mouthed about me (stepmother) by their biological mother.   Does anyone know how a court can make this parent get a forensic psychological test done? She has serious mental issues that of course she does not see.  The kids should not be in the middle.

Can anyone help?

Thank you.

[fortunate1]

Hi there.

This my very 1st post, and not too sure on how or what I should post.  All I know is that my stepchildren are being bad mouthed about me (stepmother) by their biological mother.   Does anyone know how a court can make this parent get a forensic psychological test done? She has serious mental issues that of course she does not see.  The kids should not be in the middle.

Can anyone help?

Thank you.

[GaGrl]

Welcome, Fortunate One! You are in exactly the right place for this type of situation. There are a number of step-parents on the board who deal the the spouse's problem ex and had behaviors involving the children.

I'm a step-parent-- all of our children are adults, and my DH's (Dear Husband) children were negatively affected by their mother's disorder.

Some courts can get a custody evaluation ordered that includes a psychological evaluation. Your husband might need to have the same eval.

Are you looking at the psychological evaluation as part of a custody motion? I've never heard of one ordered outside a motion to change custody.I

What is the current custody order -- are you 50-50? How old are the children? Can you provide an example of the problem I teractions? That will help guide us in supporting and helping you.

[livednlearned]

Sounds familiar 

How old are the kids?

What kind of relationship do you have with them, and what is their relationship like with their mom?

Courts can do some stuff. We can also protect ourselves and help the kids sort through what's real using some of the communication skills here.

If you feel comfortable, please feel free to share an example. Sometimes getting into the nitty gritty can help locate what's going on. It can be confusing...

[ForeverDad]

A helpful book is Divorce Poison by Richard Warshak.  Another professional with insight into parental alienation is Craig Childress.  He takes a different approach to PA than Richard Gardner did decades ago (which never was accepted by many courts) and it is getting more attention.

[worriedStepmom]

Welcome.

My stepdaughter is now 12, and I've been married to her dad since she was 5.  My existence is still a trigger for SD's mom; she cannot comprehend that SD can love me without diminishing SD's love for  mom.  SD's mom meets most of the criteria for BPD.  We get comments along the lines of "worriedstepmom is trying to take you away from me"; "worriedstepmom won't let me do X";  "I'd love to let you do Z, but I can't do it unless worriedstepmom agrees."  "worriedstepmom has her own kids and doesn't love you".

My best friend's exH is a diagnosed narcissist, and his manipulation of the kids is really, really awful.  He's told the kids, among other things, that my friend's new boyfriend is probably a rapist who wants to move in and live off their mom. 

Has your stepkids' mom been diagnosed with a particular disorder?  What kinds of statements is she making?  How are the kids taking it?  How long have you and your h been married?