Totally new here

[Depression = 72% of members]

 Hi everyone - as my subject line said, I’m just beginning here. I think my spouse has high functioning bpd. We’ve been married for 18 years this summer and I’m just now realizing that this is a possibility. I feel like our marriage is extremely stressful, and he has fraught relationships with all of our children, many of his friends, coworkers and family members. I’m sure if I mentioned this to him he would research and convince me that in fact I have bpd and he is healthy and amazing to put up with me. I worry all the time that this really is all just me! Thanks for listening!

[Thoughtfulmama]

 Hi everyone - as my subject line said, I’m just beginning here. I think my spouse has high functioning bpd. We’ve been married for 18 years this summer and I’m just now realizing that this is a possibility. I feel like our marriage is extremely stressful, and he has fraught relationships with all of our children, many of his friends, coworkers and family members. I’m sure if I mentioned this to him he would research and convince me that in fact I have bpd and he is healthy and amazing to put up with me. I worry all the time that this really is all just me! Thanks for listening!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ozzie101]

Hi Thoughtfulmama and welcome!

I'm so sorry for the circumstances that bring you here, but I'm glad you've found us. We're a supportive group with a lot of tips, tools and experience to share.

We get it. We understand. I know for the longest time, I was convinced that I had done something horribly wrong, that the problems in my marriage and with my H were all my fault. If you keep reading and looking into this site, you'll see you're definitely not alone.

We recommend people NOT share their suspicions about BPD with their loved one. As you've guessed yourself, that rarely (if ever) goes well.

What behaviors of your husband make you suspect BPD? Can you give a couple of detailed examples? The more we know, the more we can know how to help you!

[Harri]

Hi Thoughtfulmama. 

I'm joining Ozzie in saying .  How are you doing?

I am not sure that sharing about BPD at this point is wise.  It can be a loaded message to someone especially if they are dysregulated or we do not really understand how the disorder affects us and our pwBPD (person with BPD).

I too am wondering what sort of behaviors your husband exhibits so hat we can help guide you better.  I hope you read and share more as you are able.