...small betrayals matter a lot, too. Whether you’ve been eaten by a lion or been bitten by ten thousand tiny red ants, either way it’s really bad. And so whether it’s one big betrayal or a bunch of smaller ones, it’s still all betrayal and it all destroys trust.
This is what I’ve read, as described as the “drip drip drip”... the slow and methodical demeaning - devaluing, and destroying of the “endearment” we have, had for our borderline partners.
Even if you are very strong emotionally... and have a strong foundation... this drip drip drip, constant... will wear you down, you have to detach sometimes and somehow recharge your batteries... I refer to this as mental sustainment,
Like most things in our lives, we can’t run on empty.
When we are in the relationship, in the day to day, in the mist, and fog... most of us won’t see or feel this dripping, or even understand how it is effecting us internally.
But one day, something may happen, and the ‘non’ may have one of those “moments”... I’ve read about these moments, called “extinction burst”... in which it all comes out sideways, all of it, at once... the steam has finally built to the point of over pressure... and the valve gives way, and out it all comes.
And most times, the person who is borderline, gets a gift, and now has many pages of negative dialog in which to project back onto the non, “material”... basically the borderline now has validation to punish the non, due to the fact that the non has taken in too much control - punishment, and has gotten very angry very quickly... “cornered”... the borderline is now angry at the non for being angry at the borderline from what the borderline has been doing to the non... “control & punishment”.
This part of the control - punishment scenario, the nons slip up, and getting angry to the point of verbal, and even forbid, physical retaliation... this is crazy making, and it takes a whole lot of internal strength by the non to cope with this constant behavior... drip drip,drip... “somebody please please please fix that leaking faucet”!
This happened to me many times over the course of the last eleven years... before I began to understand what was going on... I used to think it was ALL me, just as my udx borderline wife was telling me... “drip drip drip”...
This is why self awareness and constant mindfulness is so important.
And what sustains mindfulness, the answer to that is self awareness brought about by self education, this part is absolutely vital.
Keep reading, keep learning... this will be your shield.
Red5
