I am still struggling with is understanding what love actually is

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Mod Note:  part 1 of this thread is here     https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=337573.0

Ive been feeling pretty good over the last several days. I spent a lot of time with my girlfriend and my friends and doing that really takes your mind off things. Its just when I'm alone with nothing but my thoughts that things get bad, but I'm trying to keep busy.

Something I am still struggling with is understanding what love actually is. My ex was my first and only love and because of what happened I really haven't been able to "love" again. I really don't know what love is supposed to look like or what it is supposed to feel like. It certainly shouldn't be like how things were with my ex. My current GF has told me that she loves me but I haven't been able to say it back and I was honest with her about that. She knows about my ex and her BPD traits. My GF has been patient, but I know there will come a time when she will want me to say those words back to her and she won't stick around around forever if I can't ever say it. So my challenge is just trying to understand what love is supposed to feel like. It's tough when your first and only love was someone with BPD traits. I just don't know what true love is supposed to be anymore.

[Megatron]

Mod Note:  part 1 of this thread is here     https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=337573.0

Ive been feeling pretty good over the last several days. I spent a lot of time with my girlfriend and my friends and doing that really takes your mind off things. Its just when I'm alone with nothing but my thoughts that things get bad, but I'm trying to keep busy.

Something I am still struggling with is understanding what love actually is. My ex was my first and only love and because of what happened I really haven't been able to "love" again. I really don't know what love is supposed to look like or what it is supposed to feel like. It certainly shouldn't be like how things were with my ex. My current GF has told me that she loves me but I haven't been able to say it back and I was honest with her about that. She knows about my ex and her BPD traits. My GF has been patient, but I know there will come a time when she will want me to say those words back to her and she won't stick around around forever if I can't ever say it. So my challenge is just trying to understand what love is supposed to feel like. It's tough when your first and only love was someone with BPD traits. I just don't know what true love is supposed to be anymore.

[Longterm]

It's tough when your first and only love was someone with BPD traits. I just don't know what true love is supposed to be anymore.

I can really relate with this. My ex was my 1st love and it lasted 20yrs. I don't know what a healthy relationship is supposed to look/feel like. I had a gf last year for around 5mths and I simply could not connect with her, it was weird. She said she loved me too but I just kind of didn't feel anything. She was a nice girl but I dunno, it did nothing for me and I called it off eventually. I plan to stay single for a while.

I have read that fellas like us tend to struggle moving on with a "normal" partner because we find them boring, my gf was not boring I guess but nothing ever happened, she never kicked off and I was sort of hoping she would. That's just crazy I know.

[Leonis]

It's tough when your first and only love was someone with BPD traits. I just don't know what true love is supposed to be anymore.

Similar situation here. She was not my first gf, but was my first serious long-term one.

It is hard to know what to expect from normal folks these days.

[Ecan]

I'm not sure if this will help or not. My bpdex told me a couple of months ago to get out of her life and this time I think she means it. Now when I first met her I felt a weird familiar feeling that I have never felt before. When we coupled up I had never felt such connection in my life it was awesome because I don't connect with people easy. There has been a pull, a ache and a yrning for her 24/7 like I have never felt. And I fear it will always be there and I won't b able to be with some one again. In reality the relationship was painful and love is not pain.

I read the other day " love is not a feeling its a being" I'm not sure if I am getting it right but I think what I had with my resent ex was strong feelings. The relationship was more of constant reacting than just being.

Being to me is a state of calm a state of knowing not a rollercoaster ride. So may be I will treat my experience with my ex as recovery from drugs how I felt wen I was on them was awesome but I can't live like that it will kill me. So I work on living life without that feeling. I have a feeling true love is bull anyway its made up like Santa Claus and the Easter bunny.

We are all personality disordered junkies and we are in rehab. That reminds me I also read somewhere that you can't love some you can't admire. So Megatron do you admire your current girlfriend? If the answer is yes then I think love will follow. Fear also messes up love could there be any fear there?