Two weeks since last contact.

[incognitoMe]

My ex has not tried to contact me in two weeks, and my mood has been mostly excellent. I'm exercising more, playing guitar more, and feel more hopeful. I find my interactions with other people are happier. I find it easier to joke, and banter with people.  For so long I was wrapped up in trying to fix an impossible  problem that I had lost myself.

 I had blocked her on my phone, and figured I should do so on facebook as well, but found she had already blocked me and my mother (whom she erroneously believed was turning me against her).  I'm happy she did that on one hand, and on the other, she can unblock me at any time and start up more nonsense.  If I had blocked her she would not have that option.   Anyways, for now things look good.  I hope to never hear from her again.

I actually went on a date this week.  It went well and the second date is planned. I'm trying to stay casual about it and not have big expectations. I'm just enjoying time with another human.

I have realized that I had been in the caretaker role so long, I was with my ex out of obligation.  I had already accepted the likely death of our relationship months prior, even though I was still giving her every chance to fix things and go to therapy. I cried so many tears in the relationship that I have none left to waste.

If I had let her leave months ago, I wonder if I would feel as free as I do now, or would I have been less sure of how much of a "monkeys paw curse" having her in my life was. Even months before that I had given up on ever having the woman I fell in love with back.  I knew she was likely to always be difficult, but I had yet to give up on the idea it could become manageable.  I was ready to settle for not totally awful.  I've never felt this over a person this fast. I usually take a long time to feel ok after breakups. I actually get a little sick to my stomach at the idea of physical contact with her.  She is by all accounts a very attractive person, but I feel like my mind and body have both identified her as a parasite.

Side note: I ran into an old friend while he was out with his friend whom is a physiologist.  They asked me about the relationship and after 5 minutes, the psychologist asked if she had borderline personality disorder. 

[Leonis]

Side note: I ran into an old friend while he was out with his friend whom is a physiologist.  They asked me about the relationship and after 5 minutes, the psychologist asked if she had borderline personality disorder. 

That should be your answer. It's sad, but you got out before things got worse.

Enjoy the freedom going forward.