I met with counselor today.

[Frankee]

I met with counselor today.  I told her about the incident where he choked me that night after going out with our friends.  I told her with ease, but then like it flashed in my mind and I started tearing up and almost crying my eyes out.  Even she said though that I had a glow about me and seemed happier.

My bph has been eerily quiet.  It's very calming when I don't hear from him.  He recently kind of had a meltdown and said it was because he didn't have his medicine.  I honestly enjoy the no contact.  If it wasn't for the kids and having to divorce him, I would had ghosted him weeks ago.

I went out Saturday with my girlfriend.  We had a lot of fun.  Met some new people, had a lot of laughs, even ended up riding a mechanical bull.  I have been socializing more. 

I have even settled in more comfortable with the shelter.  Most of the ladies have been here about the same time as me.  The transition has helped me.  I don't feel so alone.  I know the women here have been through some bad things and they are trying to make it just like me.  There is some sort of comfort in that.

I am moving forward and not feeling so broken.  I know I have a lot of healing to do, but for the simple fact that his beautiful words hold no sway over me anymore is a huge step.

[Skip]

How are you feeling?

[Frankee]

I feel like at the end of today, I received a swift kick in the behind from the universe.  Good and bad. 

I met with the guy helping me with my resume and job hunt.  He talked about, how things would happen when they were supposed to. Right before I went to a job fair, I received a call from a hotel I interviewed with and start tomorrow.  My girlfriend have me a bunch of cute outfits that didn't fit her anymore. Then a friend I had been talking to and maybe liking a bit because he gave me attention, appeared to ghost me.

I attempted to just say, hey, what's up?  But the email couldn't be found and then the message on a phone app wouldn't send.  First I thought that it was my phone, but then I sent other emails/messages to other people, no problem.

I laid down to my sleeping S3 and he cuddled up next to me.  I laid there and went over the day.  I feel today was significant.  It was a gain and a loss.  I feel it couldn't be anymore clear that something was looking out for me.  Whatever you believe.  Almost like the universe said.. you need this and this.. you don't need this.

I try to be gentle and patient with myself.  The things that I have been through with my exbph and the fact that I still get up every day and try hard to take care of everything I have to.. is amazing.  In just a month, my entire life has been flipped right side up.  I am finally on the path to true happiness.

[Cat Familiar]

    It’s good to listen clearly to the messages we are getting that are guiding us with clarity, compassion, and kindness.

[Skip]

Then a friend I had been talking to and maybe liking a bit because he gave me attention, appeared to ghost me.

What is happening here?

[Frankee]

What is happening here?

I needed someone to talk to.  He was there.  He was treating me like a human being.  Odd thing is, he messaged.  Asked if I was ignoring him, when I didn't reply, he said I take that as a yes and said it was fun while it lasted.  I tried to message and my app wouldn't let me.  I had already let go of the need for the attention.  It may just be the app acting up, but I feel it's not letting me message because there is something guiding me.  I also reflected on what he said.  That is a red flag and I am glad now I can't talk to him.

I dropped the hotel job.  They hired me under false impressions.  I went to a fast food chain I worked for before and I ended up running in my old boss who is now the store manager.  She said she can hire me on immediately as a manager and make the same pay as the hotel.  It is by far what I wanted, but I am putting aside my pride and doing what I have to provide for my boys.  My time is limited at the shelter and I have to focus on saving money.  And the hours are better with my kids.

I said something to my stbx.  He finally said he didn't want to see me and didn't want to watch S3.  Said he wouldn't talk to me until I can be nice and he wasn't going to keep putting up with my negative attitude and being insulted.  Little does he know that he just gave me a blessing in disguise.  That said on his part makes me feel like the break is slowly happening on his end.  I feel he can sense that his pretty words and promises aren't giving any sway like they did every time before.

He says at some point I am choosing this (to be angry).  I said, you're right.  I am choosing this.  I am choosing to have a happier and healthier life.