uBPDw gets depressed about former friend/neighbor, drinks

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,

My uBPDw has had a major issue with the neighbors ever since 11/2018. She had been good friends with the neighbor who I believe has depression at least and her own anxiety issues for about 1 year. Last year she had a big argument with the neighbor, who for whatever reason didn't want to extend their friendship beyond having drinks while our kids played together. It was a big fight and they didn't have any contact all winter. Now her 1 kid (daughter) and our kids (2 boys) loved to play together and did so a lot including at each others houses.

Fast forward to this year. This spring my w went over to her house, and I was out with the boys somewhere, but she went over to try and talk things out reasonably (I believe she really did). The neighbor said "I can't believe you had the nerve to come back here" and shredded her up one side and down the other. Then they slapped a harassment restraining order on me and her, we didn't contest it because I don't want to use time off of work because I don't plan to talk to them anyways from now on.

Ever since April she's been very stressed out, will hardly ever go outside unless it's to go somewhere in the car. Our boys have been chomping at the bit to go outside but can't until I get home and I feel bad. She has been taking them different places during the day to pass the time. This would be ok but, she feels tremendously guilty for not taking them outside but at the same time she went outside for a short time last night and had to go back in for some reason.

Last night, and this happens probably once a week, she had 3-4 drinks, was drunk and all sad, and then rips into me for not making more money at my job so we can get a better house in a different neighborhood. This all has been just about too much to take for me as I'm working on getting a better job and I'm depressed about my career as is. I just worked hard to get a new certification and it hasn't paid off yet. But anyway, after she drinks sometimes she cuts herself with a knife, which used to bother me more but she doesn't do anything that would make her bloody or leave permanent damage.

On top of that, she likes to threaten to leave or find a guy that can pay for what she wants. She claims she won't get therapy because we can't afford it, even though we could with our home clinic.

That's all for now, thanks for listening.

[guitarguy09]

Hello,

My uBPDw has had a major issue with the neighbors ever since 11/2018. She had been good friends with the neighbor who I believe has depression at least and her own anxiety issues for about 1 year. Last year she had a big argument with the neighbor, who for whatever reason didn't want to extend their friendship beyond having drinks while our kids played together. It was a big fight and they didn't have any contact all winter. Now her 1 kid (daughter) and our kids (2 boys) loved to play together and did so a lot including at each others houses.

Fast forward to this year. This spring my w went over to her house, and I was out with the boys somewhere, but she went over to try and talk things out reasonably (I believe she really did). The neighbor said "I can't believe you had the nerve to come back here" and shredded her up one side and down the other. Then they slapped a harassment restraining order on me and her, we didn't contest it because I don't want to use time off of work because I don't plan to talk to them anyways from now on.

Ever since April she's been very stressed out, will hardly ever go outside unless it's to go somewhere in the car. Our boys have been chomping at the bit to go outside but can't until I get home and I feel bad. She has been taking them different places during the day to pass the time. This would be ok but, she feels tremendously guilty for not taking them outside but at the same time she went outside for a short time last night and had to go back in for some reason.

Last night, and this happens probably once a week, she had 3-4 drinks, was drunk and all sad, and then rips into me for not making more money at my job so we can get a better house in a different neighborhood. This all has been just about too much to take for me as I'm working on getting a better job and I'm depressed about my career as is. I just worked hard to get a new certification and it hasn't paid off yet. But anyway, after she drinks sometimes she cuts herself with a knife, which used to bother me more but she doesn't do anything that would make her bloody or leave permanent damage.

On top of that, she likes to threaten to leave or find a guy that can pay for what she wants. She claims she won't get therapy because we can't afford it, even though we could with our home clinic.

That's all for now, thanks for listening.

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[Wrongturn1]

Hey guitarguy, I don't have any advice for you, but I can relate.  My uBPDw hates our neighbors and complains about them all the time; she has wanted to move because of them before (but not right now as we are too low on cash to think about moving because we bought her a very expensive diamond as a replacement for the stone in her wedding ring); and she compulsively drinks, typically at least a bottle of wine per night; after which she is liable to dysregulate and try to start drama with me in some way - last night's drama topic was that she is terrified of my driving and doesn't feel comfortable having our kids ride with me...nevermind the fact that I have never had a car accident and never even received a speeding ticket (just 2 parking tickets in my 27 years of driving).

[GaGrl]

Guitarguy, it is rather vague as to what started their disagreement in the first place. It sounds as if it must have been quite serious for the neighbor to have been so shocked that your wife would even go to her house and attempt a conversatio. Do you have details/the entire story? Is it possible that your wife is feeling great shame over something she said or did to this neighbor?

[guitarguy09]

Hi Wrongturn,

Thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear that! It certainly sounds similar to my situation. It's scary when she drinks although lately the problem has been something else which I addressed on the Conflicted group under Tinder Trouble. You can guess what that one's about. But when she drinks she would get belligerent and complain about everything under the sun, me, how I don't make enough money and we can't afford to move etc. I hope it gets better but I know it's so hard.

Hi GaGrl,

I think this neighbor has some anxiety and depression of her own. She's clearly had some personal issues in her life too. She and my w had a drawn out argument last November about our kids and spending time together, I was not there so I don't know, but the neighbor's D started crying during the argument and I think that's what did it for the neighbor. Not to mention she thinks her D is a "little s***" a lot of the time with the way she behaves, but hey, make her cry once and she writes a person off forever. I get that people are sensitive about their kids but my w wanted to sit down and talk for about a week about why she didn't or couldn't hang out. I guess she didn't want to make time for that and that didn't go over well with my w. I don't think there was anything too extreme but again I wasn't there.