MaggieLyn19
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1
|
 |
« on: July 12, 2019, 09:40:43 AM » |
|
I started a relationship with this girl in February/March of 2019. She seemed perfect by all accounts. She easily socializes and makes friends. She's intelligent, witty and charismatic. She seemed way too good to be true. It wasn't until about a month or so into it that I noticed her increased sensitivity and seemingly extreme reactions to things I would say or do. She mentioned a few times that she thought she may have BPD but I never really took it seriously until her episodes began to worsen. By episodes I mean that she will go from calm and laughing to instantly angry by something I've said or done. After research I found that my natural habit of trying to justify certain behaviors or mindsets that I possess, she took it as if I was not validating her own feelings and emotions, which sends her on a spiral of its own. I have been reading articles, listening to podcasts, doing just about anything I can to learn how to communicate with a person whose perception is COMPLETELY different to mine. What I see as productive or proactive, she sees as destructive. If I see something as a positive, she sees it as a negative. When I think I need to leave her alone and cool off, she feels that I've ignored her feelings and abandoned her. She's given me pointers on how to handle her but in the heat of the moment I'm usually so paralyzed by fear and confusion, I don't take the suggestions (coming up to hold her when she's incredibly angry, validating how she feels, not being defensive and taking things personally when she says mean/hurtful things). She's told me when she walks away, to chase after her. When she hangs up on me, I have to call her right back. It's taken a lot for me to understand how to put my own ego and pride aside and be there for her. I have endured all kinds of emotional and verbal abuse, for which she feels horrific over once her anger has subsided and spends hours, even DAYS in this emotional hangover filled with shame and regret for her behavior. I'm trying not to set her off, but I naturally possess characteristics that 'trigger' her (for lack of a better word). Before I realized what she had, I finally came 'clean' to a couple friends about what this relationship has been like and how she's treated me. They never once judged her and even understood a great deal of what she was going through, but she's never been able to trust me since then. She feels as if I've damaged her character and revealed a piece of her that will continue to haunt her in their eyes. There's just so much that I can say that I've struggled with but I'm deeply interested in learning how to communicate with her and help her establish a sense of trust and security with me. I'm trying to watch what I say, how I say it and what I do. I know I'm walking on eggshells and she absolutely hates herself for it, although I've told her numerous times that it's my choice. No other person she's been with has actually validated the fact that she has this disorder and so far no doctor has been able to dx it either. She is present with EVERY symptom of BPD, except that she's very self aware and sensitive. Sometimes she's even self aware in her episodic rage which is almost just as confusing. I just want to help her, not make it worse for her. She's started hurting herself now too which scares me. There are other factors that have contributed to her situation. She's less than a year sober and trying to cope with life in a different way, she was unemployed for a great deal of time and is struggling with her own feelings of self-worth, she has childhood trauma which is surfacing in her step work. I know I'm rambling on and on but I'm desperate. I want to help her and not make her worse. How do I learn how to communicate with her when we have two different realities? How can I ground her when she's in a rage? How can I stop setting her off so much? What can I do to help her trust me again? For those who suggest therapy and medication, she does not have health insurance yet and the doctors she has seen still do not believe she's BPD. I'm convinced she has it, in addition to Bipolar and she's not being treated for the symptoms of mood instability and instant anger. Any advice anyone has will be greatly appreciated. She is an INCREDIBLE person. I'm afraid I've just made her hate herself so much simply by being my natural self. It's not that easy to leave someone with BPD, even if for their own good. I don't know what is best for her. I tell her she may need to let me go so she can have some relief and she begs me to stay and work on it with her. I just need some guidance. I'm not trying to give up, but what if I'm just the absolute WRONG person for her?
|
