Undiagnosed BPD BF...Soo much drama...life is already hectic enough

[StayingSane78]

Hello, I'm new here. My boyfriend of 1 and a half years is undiagnosed bpd but take my word for it, he's bpd, although high functioning.

I guess I'm on here to ask HOW DO YOU GUYS DO IT? I stay very level headed and let go of a lot of the over-reactions and blow ups and I have read 'walking on eggshells.' I'm not codependent and do have and enforce boundaries. Here's the thing, there's still soo many stupid, petty little disagreements to muddle through. It wears me down and I'm already tired! I mean I work a full time job and raise my 3 boys, who has the time and energy to ALWAYS have to take the high road because of a person that is easily triggered?

I can't say I'm cut out for this life at all. I realize all relationships take work and we do have fun sometimes but that's only when everything is pretty much going right for him.

Also, he is in counseling. It only began about a month ago. She is trained in CBT, but I'm not sure if she's also trained in DBT as his insurance didn't cover any of the therapists in the area that have DBT training.

Oh and this also, my 3 boys sees my bf's overreactions to perceived slights and such and I do worry about this damaging them. I've told him he's not allowed to reprimand them because when he does say things, his tone is completely out of line and he's very one-sided and argumentative about 'his' version. I just think probably by having him as a partner is making my life harder than it needs to be.

Thank you to anyone who reads or responds! Dealing with this stuff is exhausting and heavy!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi StayingSane78 
I see you haven't had any replies yet, so sorry about that! Sometimes posts fall through the crack for no reason. I'm glad you found your way here to us   You have a lot going on in your life.

How does one do it ... It's not the easiest, that's true. I'm glad you have and enforce boundaries. We have Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits in case you want some support in that.

There are success stories, though they tend to stop posting here as they don't need the support anymore. We talk a lot about tools like boundaries, and validation, and communication techniques and radical acceptation and all that. Though it all I think the most important is to have some outside support, though. Someone who truly understands what you're going through, and we do.

How old are you boys? You say they notice your husband's behaviour and naturally you worry about that. I don't have kids myself, but there are many parents here with partners with BPD. I hope you stick around, for support and help.

Warmly
Scarlet

[StayingSane78]

Thanks for replying! Yeah there seems to be a lot going on around here so I can understand my post getting lost. Well, and I didn't really ask for any specific advice to garner a specific response!  A general, 'how do you guys do it?' is wayyyyy too much to answer in a post, over than being oversimplistic and stating 'love' or 'because they're family.'      Anyway, Happy Friday!