Calgon take me away

[Poppie]

Hello group, This is my first post and cry for help. I'm not sure my sister has BPD. But, from what I've read on the subject, she does. Maybe you can help?
She had some bad things happen to her as a child and yet insists she is fine and had a wonderful childhood. I had tried to get her to seek counseling since we were in our 20's (I did and it helps). She will be 60 soon and still has not gotten help. I had never realized just how bad things were until 4 years ago. She moved in with my parents and I. Instead of going into everything she's done, I'll tell you about our worst experience. This happened almost 2 years ago. I heard my Mom go into her room and ask her what was wrong, because she was crying. She said that I hadn't vacuumed her rug (in the dining room) just because it was her rug. I had done my room and the living room. OH! I should tell you that all 4 of us are disabled and can't do everything we used to be able to do. Well, I thought that was ridiculous and laughed. This had been building for some time now. She came in my room and attacked me. My poor old Dad came in shaking, leaning on his cane and trying so hard to yell at her to stop. I thought he was going to have a heart attack. She finally stopped. I called the police on her and explained to them the situation and they basically had to talk with us like we were children. I don't blame him. The next day my sister and parents were joking around and laughing and having a great time and then all went out to lunch. At no time during the day did anyone ask if I was alright. My parents are afraid of her and we have always been taught to "smile and pretend everything is okay". But, it's not okay. My Dad was mad that I called the police. But he was abused as a child and in his generation it was the "smile and pretend everything is okay" practice. I just bought the book, "Stop Walking on Eggshells". I read the acknowledgements and jumped right on here. I will try and read the book, but my focusing ability isn't what it used to be. I thought learning from people that have experienced the BPD and non-BPD sides of things could teach me also. I have been on waiting lists for an apartment for over 3 years now. But, meanwhile, I am stuck here. When I leave, I would like to leave my Mom with some knowledge on how to deal with her. Oh, I am on disability for depression and anxiety. I have gone to counseling off and on for approx. 30 years. Thank you for reading.

[Harri]

Hi Poppie and welcome.

I am sorry to hear that things are so difficult in your home and that you experience depression and anxiety.  All those things add up and the consequences can be very difficult.

How much contact would you say you have with your sister?  I know you live in the same house but are you able to get away for a bit?

In terms of learning things that will help you cope, I think a good place to start would be to look at the articles here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=334882.0

The articles are shorter than a book and are in order of what will give the most immediate relief.  See what you think and then we can discuss the particulars.

Again,

[Poppie]

Thank you. I stay in my room most of the day and she stays in her room most of the day. She eats meals with my folks. I won't sit at the table with her. Right now her and I are not talking. With my problems and hers - the roller coaster of emotions is just too much.

[Harri]

That sounds pretty tense.

Can you see things changing in the future?

[Poppie]

Thanks Harri - it is tense and no I don't see things changing for me until I move out. For my sister...until she realizes something is wrong, nothing will change.