New, codependent, conflicted in the silent zone where start in coping?

[Trublu]

I don’t even know where to begin, my partners issues, mine now...I’m in therapy he refuses, I’m overwhelmed and about that call it quits.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome. 

Well, you made a start by posting here and reaching out for help.     You sound pretty overwhelmed.  We get it.

Can you tell us more about your situation?   Chances are we can relate and may have some wisdom to share.  For sure though we can listen.

I hope you post more when you are ready.  In the meantime, read some posts and settle in.  This is a safe place to talk.

[Trublu]

Hello everyone. I am new here struggling with rather stay in marriage.Partner refuses help, marriage or for himself. I am receiving and have been.Now, realizing I’m codependent, though hard to admit,  we are  in his punishing phase of silent treatment as I try to resolve with him where do we go.chronically ill, though apart he provides. Back story: We’ve lived apart a couple of years he stated for work but  last time together he finally said he life for to get away from me.I'm conflicted, confused, hurt as he states wants marriage, actions definitely show otherwise. How to move on for me ,make decisions for me as so much entangled financially, insurance, home, etc. even writing is eye open sing as so dependent. Embarrassed. How to pick up pieces, look at my role, healing, and make moves for me while dependency an issue with health and now emotionally. Breaking, any advice I’d appreciate or how others started.i feel stuck.

[Trublu]

Thank you, trying.

[once removed]

hi Trublu, and

we are  in his punishing phase of silent treatment

what led up to this?

Partner refuses help, marriage or for himself.

does he know that youre considering ending the marriage?

How to pick up pieces, look at my role, healing, and make moves for me while dependency an issue with health and now emotionally.

have you sought out and gotten input from friends or family on this? would you have a place to stay?

[Trublu]

Thanks for reply I’m very sad, broken today, lonely of support , in response:
what led up to this?
Long cycle, arguing in marriage, cycle. I want help he refuses as I’m at break point .he lives in another country visits at his convience, leads double life. Not truthful and I'm calling out as I want change for me , us.ithink Tera been infidelity and definitely emotionally.

does he know that youre considering ending the marriage?
Yes, but I threatened so much on sex addiction he has and other issues  through years wrongly, thinking it’d scare to help. Now, I’m there or debating and scared...he doesn’t take seriously nor care.i feel stuck, at my age in late forties and now sick, not being able to work or provide for myself.

have you sought out and gotten input from friends or family on this? would you have a place to stay? I’m limited in support under care of a psych and counselor have been realizing I’m codependent and my own role. Trying to understand and wrap myself around what’s happened , why, options, learn a better way.
I’m reading tools and resources here to, I’ve sadly counseled as prior profession , not fam issues, know just it’s hit home .i feel humiliated it’s my family, I didn’t  see signs and allowed myself to be a door mat. Dealing with anger from illness and the treatment, as so many changes as he’s in country women not viewed well and with sex addiction issues already there.i feel like I’m not human and shown much of time. It’s heart breaking. I blame me, now wonder what’s wrong with me that I don’t leave immediately.
Where to stay ...home in both names as  on gift deed , contributed in payment.13 years married twice so I’m here, Hess there if we divorce I don’t know? I guess court decides as child is adult now. I’d appreciate honest feedback so I can grow, brace, and maybe see perspectives I’m not considering.