When BPD symptoms/qualities are on your side

[MayorMcCheesey]

Been doing a lot of thinking as of late, and realized there are some good qualities when my wife's uBPD actually  has come in handy or worked to my advantage or hers.  Most of the time her BPD feelings and qualities are enough to make lose it but on occasion she comes through with flying colors.

She will sit on the phone for hours on end to make a complaint and get what she wants from some type of customer service and just wear them down.  The same goes if we receive terrible service at a restaurant, hotel, etc.  Shes gotten bills waived, free products sent, credits added, old returns accepted. We got a free stay in Puerto Rico because the desk in the hotel was infested with termites.  She some how returned and traded up for an $850 stroller, (yes $850 for a stroller is insane but I have come around to it and admit is pretty damn nice).   She's a great haggler and even got them to give an amazing price on a new car at the dealership. 

My only concern and question I guess I have is by letting her do these type of things is it enabling her uBPD or am I somehow possibly making it seem its acceptable to also treat me poorly?

Thoughts?

Situations when BPD qualities have come to bat for you?

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[lenfan]

I had never connected it to bpd, but my wife also is a master at getting refunds and credits. She can not stand any kind of poor customer service, false advertising, faulty product etc. Maybe you are on to something here. It's good that you can find some kind of silver lining in all this.

[MayorMcCheesey]

I'm that type of person, looks for the good in the bad...  She's a litteral pit bull when it comes to this type of stuff and will argue and cut people down.  I even compliment her and tell her shes the best, because sometimes she'll even start getting angry at my that why I never do those types of things or speak up.  I usually follow with the compliment because I'm not good at it like you, you do it so well, and its one of the things I love about you.

But it still has be wondering if I'm doing myself a disservice by allowing her pursue in these situations...

[Red5]

… She's a litteral pit bull when it comes to this type of stuff and will argue and cut people down.  

Mine too, she seems to "get off" on getting some poor customer service clerk on the phone, and "letting them have it".

Sometimes it really embarrassed me… as I'm "Mr. Easy Going"… and "No Worries Mate" type of personality.

NOT HER!

Talk about burning bridges, and then attaching dynamite to the columns that are left sticking out of the river (metaphorically)… BOOM!

This is akin to "talionic thinking"… eye for an eye, me first, you last, SERVE ME!

I could never do that to anyone…

She is a "tough customer".

And when she gets together with her Mum, and her two older sisters, all over fifty… LOOK OUT!

Yeah, #Me2 Mayor!

… me2,

Red5

[lenfan]

I don't think you could stop her anyway, so you might as well let it work for you. Not that she should abuse CSR's, but if you're entitled to get your money back because some corporation has lousy service, then that skill is an asset as long as she doesn't go too far. My w doesn't go too far with CSR's or act rudely, but she doesn't give up and gets her point across. I'm no expert but my guess is that it won't escalate her bad behavior towards you one way or another if you approve of her efforts. Maybe it even gets her to focus some of her negative energy away from you?  

[Still Here]

I don't think you could stop her anyway, so you might as well let it work for you.  

I agree with this 8,000%.  My DbpdW does the same stuff and there is something that feels warm, delicious and totally wrong inside when I watch her do it.  I've watched her take on the ultimate of customer service foes - medical insurance companies.  She can get what she needs from them.  It's incredible.

Also, I'm a trial lawyer, and whenever I am having a hard time locating the passion or fire in a case I'm working on, I will literally ask her if I can borrow her BPD for a bit to help me pump up my case.  She always does.  It's a nice way to connect however brief it is.

IMO anything that gives us a break, anything that makes us smile, anything that helps us laugh at what is otherwise often a cartoonishly nightmarish existence, is worth it.  I feel bad for the folks on the other end of the phone over at Blue Cross ... I don't really.  And I don't worry that I am enabling anything.  It's coming at me sooner or later.  If it's going somewhere else that's safe and even productive for a bit, win, win, win.